lost in these rhymes

i get lost in these rhymes....while times flying by....when it crosses my mind at the speed of light.....i like the Idea....cause in my eyes I can see it shine....looking for a purpose I'm yet to find...trying to find out why I'm getting high....then i realize..... im outaline...but I'm not surprised....I'm on fire when committing crimes....I'm forever trying to get it right...lead a better life.....when deep inside.... I'm hurting for the answers.....cause I'm sick and tired.....barely getting by......everyday I spend searching...uncertain...I'm hardheaded.....full of pride...but who am i?..so many things to get further....but out of sight is out of mind.....the remedy is unheard of....but it's lurking beside me more than likely.... just let it ride.... but i need a sign...so im observing and watchin....learning and plotting...while getten wise...im not paranoid.... but I'm getting high......I take precautions.....using logic every day and8m night...cause every so often I hear the drama theyre squaking about a fight or crime that someone did or someone died...hated from far and wide..I'm not surprised...cause I'm alive and ill survive...im doing fine...I'm not lying and I ain't blind... I don't need no advice...I know your type...your ultra sly so im in disguise....thats weak shit..wanting mines....if you want to fight....then get in line...the heart of the man's not in his size.... rather his actions and his way of life....the principles he applys.......his disciplines......he defines.... his dividends as they rise...but that depends if he's getting right or just getting high.....a show of hands....cause ill be damned.... so am i......I got six cents.... and my sixth sense... in a sick sense of humor doesn't mind....I'm still living life.....40 years old drinking a 40 I didnt buy....that's just normal right?..but I'm needing change...shits seeming strange....im not ok but I'll say I'm fine....but most the time I'll stay inside...open to new things.....looking to improve days I'm knowing that a few hate..because they're eyes and line of sight...but it's alright but my focus is too great....so I shoot straight when i fire....with my boots laced and my shoe game on a new page....skooting through they say dudes crazy and too brave....imma stay running through life....everyday as it flys....hunting new ways to get paid...to do things..... without doing time....choosing to play the game and stay alive....but to survive the food chain.....when its making it's rounds....breaking shit down....taking out what it don't like....and what it's about...its about that time......my time to ride..⁹..so rise and shine....fuck bullshit lies...the time is mine so I'm a find a grind and grind it tilonly righteousness applys....I'm my own president....thats a sign of the times...so as I write these lines...I'm grimy you can find me twice as high...what I think....remember my name....casperadi...nowhere is safe....go where they aint....don't show where you stay...dont care to relate...don't know... they won't say cause they're fake....too many snakes on my plate that won't go away...so my rage is enflamed....dont say a thing...manifesting greatness isn't easily done....navigating.....waiting with patience...I'm not exagerating......waiting faithfully daily.... make it and run....first one to win becomes second to none....not worth having friends....when you spend and you lend...and they pretend and play dumb...,don't comprehend....won't attempt to show respect unless theyre payed every month...cant take for granted something so important so enormous when it's coming from someone you love...so what the fuck?I'm about to break out of my shell can't wait around for your help....I can help myself...climax from hell...