my purpose my faith

part 2 of My childhood through my own eyes I told my kids I would do this for them when I found my faith at age 38 and so as my word is golden to them here it is titled " My Faith My Purpose" dedicated to my children: Joshua Wray Brown Brooklyn Tooyauni Brown Kiwihnaiwihipu Alannah Jane Kaulaity man let's talk about something you know I got alot on my mind and I just need to get this out there because some times welI sometimes I think people need to know that God does show up and he will show them there purpose when it's there season. you feel me. and i can only say what I know and what God showed me everyone has a different calling so yeah I was in a bad place mentally not knowing what I wanted in my life feeling depressed thinking but not fully understanding the events that took place that day in July I was taken you see i went on a 2 1/2 week journey through hell where I lost my faith along with myself it went a little something like this I was out in the streets doing me not sure what I took that day I ended up on a 5hr trip where I don't remember anything I was lost in what I thought was the city not knowing where I was fully or who was protecting me you see I don't put people around me and this was new I was just  beginning to gain my memory. as I came to 2 dudes was standing next to me telling me they was sent to protect me. they jumped in and took over on my ride i was still dazed from a funky high. my life was in danger this much I knew they said i was protected but didnt say from who I was shuffled around finally at the last house I found my phone in the bottom of box that supposed to be thrown out i played possum and waited until all the people was sleeping I took my phone to the bathroom hoping it didn't  ring. I reached out to two of my good home boys online that night and without a doubt they said send your location big and mos both said go hide your in a bad spot big is on the way. I listened to him you see cause he would never mislead me. big showed up as I slipped out from where I was hid between two apartment buildings i gave him the biggest hug of my whole life I could not thank him enough for coming for me and picking me up. I was dirty and sticky from my head to my feet my protection didn't let me shower change or barely eat. it wasn't safe to go home yet because of my 5hr trip i didn't know where I went just visions of places I know I can't get to anymore. so big said its cool your gonna stay with me. dont worry about anything no one knows where your at your safe you need to sleep he was going through alot at the time I didn't know that but he loved God and told me what to do next. very genuine and kind hearted soft spoken and generous to everyone he met. when we got to his place I knew he needed me to stay he had 3 kids that needed a nanny of course I said yes being a nanny for a friend and his sis until he got his life straight and wife back I owed him alot just for taking the time to save my life. if it wasn't wasn't for big and the homeboy mos and sis hb I most likely would of been dead you see I lost my faith in July  I'm 38 and I was out there doing the most without God on my brain i was at the bottom of a rock I didn't know I could be saved. big sat me down in the room where i would stay he gave me my own bed where I would lay big preached every day giving me lessons, hour long sermons and told me to pray believe in God he said he will make away remove anything negative in your head or brain put God their and just know his son is the one who saved you. but you have a purpose I just can't tell you what it is open the Bible begin looking for your faith I know you will find it but it will take some time maybe even days. after a few weeks I finally opened the Bible and began to read jumping from different pages chapters lessons it was all amazing what I read I started to get attacked held down suffocated during a afternoon nap big mos and hb worked all day and night so no one was ever there when I was held down tight it felt awful kicking trying to scream get off me but I couldn't breath finally I prayed to God to remove this thing that tried to take control of me I give it to you god without understanding fully what happened to me I jumped up and left the bed where I was laying now this is the 3rd time something tried to take me suffocate me I was tired from the mental trauma it had placed on me. I was in the kitchen of homeboys place I fell to my knees and began praying crying screaming shouting God come help me I repented of my sins 3hrs of talking to God I fell asleep again in my dreams he gave me a vision of what he wanted from me this might sound like it's insane I know but have you ever walked side by side with the holy ghost we was walking together on sand I seen places and things I have never seen before right then I knew my God he showed his journey and then told me what I was meant for. your a healer to my soldiers you feel your hands there on fire I'm gonna show you how to use them and you soon will use your powers you see at age 12 I sent my son to rescue you from that tree your special you knew that you was to young to understand. your hands will start warming up when something bad comes your way the closer it gets they will grow in heat that's the devil's heat from the demons he sent here on earth you will pray over them and give them to me there is going to be a battle don't be afraid my child because your on my team your hands will heal my soldiers when it's time to fight against the devil. I woke up not fully understanding what happened to me my heart was full of so much joy happiness and a love I never felt before I knew then everything was going to be ok at age 38 I found my God his son Jesus and my faith. I left home boys home that day i came home to find my family all excited to see me. i told my family what I seen. God is real I said I got scripture that play over and over in my head i felt his love and now I know what to do next. God's not dead he's just waiting for others to repent when it's there time he will show them what there meant to be. this is my testimony to my children one day you will see I love you all God is with me and he is with you to. love you my babies