suicidal

lately ive been feelin lost having suicidal thoughts ive been sippin alcohol just to try to numb it all but is it even workin? i just wake up feeling worthless thinkin if this life is worth it wonder if I have a purpose I wish I didnt think like this ive always been a pessimist just focused on the negatives i think I need to make a change sober up and heal my pain leave the past and live today or I might just go insane or end up in my fuckin grave I wish I didn't think this way I wish this pain would go away I need to fix my mental state before I make a bad mistake im sorry if I scare you guy this is just my state of mind i sincerely pologize but I just wanna end this pain