I was there

I WAS THERE" You ever look back at your life and realize some of the things you prayed to escape are the same things you started becoming? Yeah... I know that feeling. Verse I remember sleeping places I was never supposed to stay, Learning how to read a room before I learned to read a face. Had no father in the kitchen telling me what men should be, So I watched a bunch of broken men and picked what not to be. Group homes, foster homes, different names upon the doors, New rules, new faces, same kid keeping score. I learned not to unpack, never knew how long I'd last, You get good at saying goodbye when your childhood moves that fast. I wasn't born a criminal, but I knew a few by name, Knew the sound of trouble coming before I knew the game. First it started with some fighting, then the money, then the lies, Then you're looking at yourself like, "When the hell did I change?" And I ain't proud of every chapter, I won't dress it up in gold, Some decisions followed me long after I got old. I remember certain nights I wish I could erase, Not because I feared the consequences, but the look upon their face. I was there when nobody came, I was there when nobody cared. I was young with a grown man's pain, Trying to find something that wasn't there. And I swear I tried to change my ways, But some ghosts don't disappear. I ain't asking you to understand, Just know I was there... I was there. Verse 2 See, everybody got advice when you're finally doing better, Where were all those conversations when we couldn't keep it together? When the refrigerator empty, when the landlord changed the letter, When you wore the same damn clothes through every change in weather? I knew people selling dreams who couldn't purchase their tomorrow, People laughing through depression, hiding everything they swallowed. Some got locked up, some got buried, some just vanished into nowhere, Some are walking right beside you but mentally they ain't there. And I had my own demons, I ain't pointing out a finger, I had moments I was dangerous, had a temper that would linger. Had a heart that wanted love but kept its distance from the giver, How you learn to trust somebody when abandonment's familiar? I had women I disappointed, had a boy who needed guidance, Had to learn that being present means a lot more than providing. And the hardest conversations are the ones you have in silence, When the man inside the mirror knows exactly where you're hiding. I was there when nobody came, I was there when nobody cared. I was young with a grown man's pain, Trying to find something that wasn't there. And I swear I tried to change my ways, But some ghosts don't disappear. I ain't asking you to understand, Just know I was there... I was there. \[Verse 3 – New-school switch, aggressive flow\] Now I'm grown, but don't confuse that with having it together, I still question certain choices, still remember certain weather. Still got names inside my phone that I can't call anymore, Still got lessons from the people who ain't walking through that door. I seen jail take a father, seen addiction take a friend, Seen a good man lose himself and never find himself again. Seen a mother hold her family while her own world caved in, Seen a kid become the man that he was scared he'd turn into back then. That's the part they never mention when they glorify the street, Ain't no soundtrack for the funeral, ain't no applause for defeat. Ain't no trophy for surviving when your conscience loses sleep, And the hardest thing about growing is admitting you're the reason sometimes things went deep. So don't tell me about the hustle like it's something I discovered, I done seen a man betray the only person that he trusted. I done seen a brother turn against another for a dollar, And I've seen a man with nothing give the shirt right off his collar. That's the world I came from, contradictions in the same frame, Where the ones who say they love you sometimes bring the most pain. I ain't looking for a statue, I ain't reaching for a name, Just trying not to leave behind another child who feels the You know what's crazy? When you're young, you think growing up means getting older. It doesn't. Sometimes it means finally understanding what that little boy was going through... And realizing nobody ever came to explain it. So you learn. A little late. A little scarred. But you learn.