Anger or Laughter...

Ya.... I found out how to replace anger with laughter. Disasters into new beginnings there after. Spotlights and attention being wat i capture. With the seeds ive planted within this here pasture. Up until the ending comes like a rapture. I was held in high regards like i had a stature. But unsure, I kept with the flow and motions there after. Of the coming disaster. Moments id capture. Moments filled with laughter, Moments of ill willed departures. Or unknowingly unsure harbinger. Funny where we all started. Didn't even say goodbye to anyone hardly. Yet still we parted. Reaching for futures we had now started. Full hearted, No wa,it, Fool hearted, Well guarded, To the hate given to those who had charted. A path to loved ones lost, family and friends well departed. But... Irregardless, Imma act in accordance regardless. So watch me, As i come to the pit of potential that's seemingly bottomless. Ill become anonymous, With greatness until im the same thing, Synonymous. Ill sink quick, but only in confidence. Ill drink it, the elixir ive retained through omnipotence. Ill stomp through this obvious. Wickedness with dominance. While staying dominant. Prominent, While still leaving impacts from the overwhelming extent. Of dents left behind in this calm before the storm and shit. With worry intent. Leading toward a scurry of the not so righteous, Finding guidance, But i never had a god guiding, So I guess ud say im godless, Still sighing. Still relying, On myself from the time this all started to the timing ive given from shying. Away from these problems that hav become so giant. How much ive come to finding a better way to be so reliant. But stop now, I aint buying, All the torment these haters keep supplying. Say that I am and u lieing. Say I can and best believe im at least trying. Say I cant, and best believe imma be defiant. I was on my way. Confidence once delayed, Became a Providence set to stay. And i kept the smile i hav, and clasp, anyway... Before i allowed it to recede away. And ok... I kept my head up and never let this smile fade. Found my reasons to never stray away, Or let my kindness start to fade. But pride got in the way. Ego wouldn't calm or stray. Thus my problems only stayed... Lessons learned and hate forgave. I tore it down and rode the cascade. I floated away. Let this hot air start to fade. Before I rode this wave. and pulled away, From selfish blame. And stayed the same. Held this shame. And lead the parade. Before I let it all fall like rain, Let the tears show my pain. Let these scars be all I gain. Take my thoughts reckless and untamed. Take each loss and wreck this helpless brain. Take this cross, God never heard me anywnay. So take the belief I never had away. Take the faith I never had or retained. And giv me more than countless excuses I'd regain and maintain... See i was off to the races. Running towards chases. Of warmer embraces. Chances Im chasing. Chances never erasing. Re situating, Plans to a better claiming, Schematics leaving a better picture for explaining, And framing. A sight of beauty from this wonderful picture we were painting. Now only replacing. The win ive been chasing. The fake grin I live within, still making each mistake or troubled situation im able to get in, without escaping. Without hesitating. Only the gaining, Of a breath taken and waiting. Until its found a regaining. Instead... Get going by tieing those laces, And get back to being weightless. Off to the races, Ya I hope I can make it. And even if I did, could i ever really chase this? I mean, after all, I hate this, Having to lie and pretend im walking a straight line. When i know im just sick while claiming im fine. Delayed risk over time. Portrayed dips into a less hard climb. Or the future u might find. If u could cloud out all the doubts in this mind. As if ur truly fine, naw... Instead just Acting happy and I hate it... A mssg left for relaying. But left with a person who has nothing left of cares remaining... Came through the scene like a whirlwind, Ain't bragging. But swift with this impact ive left because i ain't lagging. See I carried this baggage, All this weight i could manage. I parted this red Sea and ended up getting myself stranded. But I fought my way out with the sword I was handed... I got out and came up with more of a breath, To attest, With these words id invest, And yes, Believing im the absolute best. I stood the test, Came out above the rest, And came out above all the stress. Might not believe in a god, but believe im blessed. Might miss a few or more steps, but still fully ready for wats coming next. Ya... Im the first pick who doesn't second guess. I've found assurance in these words and songs ive prepped. I use it to energize each given breath. With words ive had pressed. Inside of each of their heads, The haters who instead, Would try blazing ahead, With bullshit still being fed. Humility being the broken path they tread. But wound up only getting left instead. So I'll set this resting bed. Put the nail in the coffin and I'll take the hammer to that nails head. I'll set it myself instead, And drive it in with depth. Signifying myself and the drive ive given while swept. Under the rug and left. But how could i be left, when I was always right. So instead I left that dread behind and found sight. No longer blind I also found might, No longer bound with a worry or fright. I was ready and scurried towards the fight. And whether I won or lost, like I might. I chose to back up wat id talk with everything I had inspite, Of putting it all on the line, And risking a gamble that might, be the one to take me out this time, despite. The trials I've overcome, each fight. The comments made from everyone, like ya right. Ull never be enough, we'll enoughs right. See im tough because of it all, that's right. I've shuffled the cards this time, Dealing each hand with no fright. Given these owed dues, I might. But being owed myself too, I might, Just eat my words and take that final bite. I might, Be unheard and let each words be lost to flight. But fuck it if its lost in spite, Of the claims I've made, I'll bite. The fame I've gained, I'll rise. And stay above this shit like a kite. That's right... Im broken. Ive stayed wearing it for all to see, open. Ive treaded lightly without coasting, To that downward sloping. Still fully hoping. Still the fool barely coping. Still facing the noose, so ropin Still igniting the fire by poking. The small flame until its growing. Still unsure, Still unknowing. Still lieing to once again help myself with coping. But nope, no coping left showing. No breath in these lungs, so no breath means words are left unspoken.