my reality is an illusion,

my reality is an illusion, so much confusion in myself, why is it so hard for me , to always ask for help, if i felt like i was in danger, then i became my own stranger, Karma would show up , and scold me, and hold me in anger, l became worse then before, with no way to see where i was, always waking up in jail, cuzz i was nailed to a buzz, my love started to fade, and i made myself get more mad, and i would usually blame it on , the days i spent with my dad, it was sad to say the least, the beast that i had caged up the whole time, took the reigns, and brought me shame, and drove me out of my mind, i was a one of a kind, but couldnt find a way out, i treated my loved ones with hatred, as they had to listen to me shout, this isnt what im about, but no doubt i created it, it was perfect for the demon, that knew i wasnt made to quit, patience is a virtue, and i never wanted to hurt you at all, and i was supposed to be the dude, that would catch you when youd fall, hook- if you can please forgive me, as i forgive myself, and release me from the devils grip, cuz ive been drifting thru hell, way to long , so i sit and write a song about it, and ill never come out on top, as long as i doubt it, verse2- its not a mystery where my misery, has obviously stemed from, my own inner emotion, was always screaming redrum, im dead numb to the world, as my girl trys to save me, while at the same time, he climbs on, the dark one is always trying to break me, but lately im delaying, and praying for peace, as the people that care for me,, know that i usually turn up the heat, give me a beat, and ill make these two ends meet,