Baltucky

[Intro – Spoken, slow & dramatic] Yeah… This one’s for the cornfield kings, Where the teeth fell out but the pride still sings... [Verse 1] Out in Baltimore, not Maryland, yo—it’s Ohio Where the corn grows tall and the IQs lie low Little Jimmy got a ‘stache and a case of King C Marlboro Lights in his sock, he's just 12 and free They ain't flossin’ gold, man—they flossin’ nothin’ Open wide, gums slidin’, them molars be bluffin’ Truck stop dreams in a flatbed Ford Solo cup sippin’ like a five-star lord [Chorus – Repeated Syncopated Rhythm] Solo in the left! (uh) Smoke in the right! (uh) Crackers on crackers — it’s a Friday night! Dirt under nails, chew in the lip King Cobra cracked, let it drip drip drip! Solo in the left! (what!) Smoke in the right! (yea!) Tractor parade in the Walmart light Ain’t got no grill, ain’t got no shame Still hollerin’ loud when they call your name! [Verse 2] Ayo, Becky got a baby with a third cousin Chad He wearin’ camo shorts and his face tattoo’s bad It say “Born to Farm,” but it’s misspelled twice He passed out at prom with a tallboy on ice Snapbacks crooked, and their pride’s in gear Got a GED from a vending machine last year No teeth, no fear, got a can of dip And a Hot Pocket burn on his upper lip [Bridge – Slower, mocking intensity] They got mud in their veins and Busch in the tank ATM’s broke but they robbin’ the bank Of dignity, dreams, and the Piggly Wiggly Chewin’ on freedom like a Slim Jim fricasee [Chorus – Hit harder, more attitude] Solo in the left! (huh!) Smoke in the right! (let’s go!) Crackers on crackers — small town fight Empty wallets, full of pride Raisin’ hell on the county line! Solo in the left! (again!) Smoke in the right! (again!) Toothless grins in the Bud Light night They don’t floss, they don’t fake They just roll through life like a cheap milkshake [Outro – Spoken with fake sincerity] So here’s to the backwoods gang, With a solo cup in one hand… And questionable life choices in the other. Baltimore, Ohio — you’re a vibe. Kinda like...if NASCAR had a baby with a flea market.