Nothing In Sum...

I rode this wave of highs for quite awhile. I sat by as i remained docile. I kept a little more then a low profile. So i could approach fully cloaked, then erupt out the nozzle. I wouldn't choke, naw id only invoke my own style. Those who chose to hear it know that my only aim is to make them smile... I faced up to each trial, Without facing this denial. As i lept i wept and got guiled. But still held up and kept this tradgic smile.... Ill be honest... Imma break every promise. Ill be dishonest. Im not the calmest. Ill let the stress i bottle up, Start to erupt, and then bomb all this. Im close to the odest. And not the hottest. But i promise, Ill remain modest, And then garnish, All the hate i harness. Because with pain theres a long list. And with hope theres just so much ive tarnished ... But watch as i strong arm this.... Watch as i take that bomb and disarm it.... Watch as i take the fuse already lit, And attach myself to the other end of that shit. Whoops, I take it back, I didn't mean to choke on all the hate like that. I was just blowing smoke from the cloud of hate i keep packed, Until it ripped out that bag, and i was ready to collapse. Whoops, Ok try to relax. Try to look at the facts, Try to make a change and never relapse. How hard is that? Ha, U dont seem to know a thing about that... Im no where near cool, Naw, just another typical fool. But ill let u use me like a tool. Ill let u abuse me and then pull. My heart out once uve made it feel full. I guess ill let u tug at these heart strings until emptying that spool. Dam, ok cool. I guess class is in session and im back in school. I guess i forgot the ultimate rule. Of not letting others tear u down to feeling miniscule. Thats nothing but uncool. And i feel like ive dealt with so much shit coming from the bull. That ive become a pile of that bulls stools. I think id rather be the mule. At least then im able to carry all the weight on my back from the ridicule. Wont be ripped apart by all the little things, molecule. Wont get torn apart when i try to stand firm as i rule. Wont let objections keep coming from all around me trying to overrule. Everything i stand for while they try making me pull up a stool... Id rather be the one ripping the gun. Then to be torn apart by the other one. Id rather be the one having to squeeze the trigger, vs trying to figure out how imma run. Id rather be the one running towards the sun. Vs being overcome, By the darkness keeping these thoughts overrun. By more darkness, keeping these thoughts completely undone. Oh no, my thoughts completely unwon. Got me thinking im noone. Thats no fun. Thats so dumb. I try to shun, These broken thoughts, once again trying to run. But cast out and away from these thoughts getting spun. Now im just incapable of being or amounting up to anyone, or any greater sum.... Guess ill continue being nothing but scum. Guess ill settle with being the overall sum of nothing or even less then none.... Haha ok, sounds fun....