finding away

i been thougth this pain to many times. i always was able to bounce right back with in few months. not this time, its been four years six months an two days .i have been stuck in this dark cold lonsome state of mind. always finding reseason to hold on keeping hope. playing my self as fool. cause deep down i knew it was over. nothing i could do. its been hell of road ,theups an downs, the mood swing drives me insane. for long time i didnt want let go ,but now i see if i dont im going end it all myself cause anymore i feel dead inside. my kids an mother is the only that matters to me now. my heart harden to everyone else. yea, i might gret better but my heart will never be allowed to love again. i will not open myself up to anyone else .no body knows what love is anymore they just use word losely. not really knnow who really take it to haert or just saying it. love is powerful word that can being a strongest man down to his knees. many night i begged an praied for the paun an tears go away, wishinng i was dead, pissed off cause i woke up the next morning. four yars i push on feeling like this.i push cause i had hope, now thats all gone. an now im see clearly. if i canr find away to let you go. im good as dead, the emotional pain anymore is got me so numb . i dont know if im ever really be same. im just looking for day rhat i pass away an all my worrys emotion an stress will be laid resr, only then wull i truely be a peace. i just wish it was today', im tierd of all these games thats being played. i hope i find my way.