Mentally broken

psychotic break near life dont make sense put my guard down ibut forced to build a fence feeling inside of me so hurt yet confused Everytime I feel like im about to win I turn around and lose Nobody understands me what is my purpose to be here Losing family and loved ones causing me tears What do I do im so mentally fucked today fuckeed emotions make me feel this way sorry to everyone my intentions has never been bad I lost apart of me that I wish I still had try stay positive when it feels like your world is crashing down Athe people who said they love u are not around im out here again don’t know where to start Left by myself again to mend my broken heart When does my suffering come to a end when can I rest Today is not promised but I always tried my best The love of my life health gone badi pray he be okay love I have for him is more than words can say watching daily do what it takes just for him to live If it’s kidneys you need than baby im willing to give all I need for you to do is be strong and just fight don’t give in or up just know everything will be alright For You and my family I will lay down my life forsure thing I wouldn’t have to think twice Some days for me are better then others Someday im not the best wife ,daughter sister or mother I guilt shame feeling stuck in the past trying to move forward hoping the pain I won’tlast say take these pills and some of the pain will be gone But truthfully it only makes me feellike I don’t belong Doctors just prescribe what they feel like what you need It’s all just for the money Professionals that’s full of greed Sometimes I go to sleep praying I won’t wake up To live this life I feel everything I do isn’t enough over and over I have to explain im Mentally unfit What dont u understand or what they don’t get I guess its what they say it gets bad before it becomes great Im starving out hear with no food on my plate I get on my knees fighting this demon by myself instead of yall judging me know I can really use some help