ninetine

“Nineteen” Six years old, didn’t know the name for the storm, Tornado brain, spinning fast, breaking form. Teachers said “he’s smart, just won’t sit still,” Mom cried in the car, guess she knew the drill. Pills in the morning, quiet by noon, Watching cartoons like they’d vanish too soon. Friends drifted off like smoke in the air, I learned to fake smiles, pretend not to care. By thirteen I found my first quiet in flame, Tobacco breath, but it dulled the shame. Weed came next, soft like a hug from the dark, It made the noise slow down, gave the world a spark. Grades slipped under like a tide I couldn’t fight, Dad yelled loud, said, “Get your shit right.” But my gears don’t turn the way others do, Every plan I make, I end up breaking in two. Nineteen now, with bags under my eyes, Too young to be tired, too numb to cry. I light up alone and stare at the floor, Try to remember who I was before. Depression ain’t loud, it’s a whispering ghost, Lives in my ribs where it haunts me the most. I’m not lazy, I swear, I’m just worn and confused, Living life like a maze that I’m destined to lose. But I still wake up, still write in my phone, Still sit in the smoke and pretend I’m not alone. One more drag, one more dream gone thin, This ain’t the end—just the place I begin.