Better my self

I can't get ahead of myself I should try and better myself But I'm drowning in the deep end, And it feels like no one sees Someone, please give me a reason I should try Yeah, I got a plan to make a lot of changes But it's harder to breathe when your heart is racin' I've been caught up in constant contemplation That shit's not a phase, it's too complicated Can't concentrate when the cuts get deeper If I were you, I wouldn't love me either My problem is I'm too fuckin' eager I got a taste of revenge and there's nothing sweeter So I'm numbin' the pain with another shot Till I lose balance and my blood is rushin Just another fuck up methed up in public They don't trust me at all, like I'm up to somethin' Like, why can't they ever hear me screamin' The preacher told me i need Jesus Trapped in my head feels like I'm some sort of evil genius Please don't talk to me 'cause I don't want to be bothered can't fall asleep, I'm to busy fighting these monsters Why's it so hard to breathe, somebody call me a doctor I think I'm goin' insane Think I'm addicted to bad news Everyone I love ends up bein' stab wounds Maybe they did what they had to I'm better off alone just give me dope and tattoos im faded feel like nothin' takes the stress away This bible's promises me better days (better days) fuck these promises I said I'd never break I pray for peace, yet I prepare for war I'm 34, these tears could fill a reservoir You bitches think you know me, you don't Throw a hundred million stones trying to break me, you won't Look, I thought I quit doin' dope for good Been smokin' blunts of good ' Mama said you got your life temporarily taken livin' here better than jail aint it and when she said it, I felt like killin' myself I don't look in no mirror, I don't step on no scale your heaven is my hell