mental health

i forgive you but what did put my mental health at risk. i loved u even when i didnt love myself. kept forgiving you over and over. but what you did no one would forgive and forget but i am. the nightmares of that keeps me up. battling with depression. wanting to put a blade on my wrist to start feeling the numbness. i don't wanna be alive bc im done feeling like this. everyone , but i cant keep lying to them. im not ok. i just wanna end all the pain. the pain you were apart of. I'm no blaming you completely for my mental health. but you have to under that u hurt me. you hurt me so mad that I don't want to be alive. im tired of this feeling. i was the one who kept putting up your shit. alway stood by your side even when you were mentally abusing me. you acted so in love with me when we were around everyone else but u where a different person behind the close doors. i wanna make move on and forget but i cant bc my mental health is getting bad. I was always loyal to you and was by your side. i love you thought you where my ride or die but i guess i was wrong. im moving on. but the scares will always be there