ICFWY -Sekluce

#SICFWY #NobodisBusiness (I can't fuck with you. I got trust issues. and I couldn't stay. no I couldn't stay. if I wanted to.. I got trust issues. pulling me away.) ain't no way I could let loose. drop my guard, gift my heart. you don't understand just how many times they've done me wrong. so many lessons learned. tears shed. so many times I've been led offa this sheer cliff. lies if I told you I was fearless. all cap. my bad. just tryna trick myself into thinking like I'm all that. confidence ain't something that I'm used to having, raw facts. tryna get accustomed to not being others doormats. Searching running frantic tryna find where i Belong fast. doesn't seems there room for me but im just gonna haul ass. and do me. and stay fly. and fuck what they call that. One life, im living it. until my lungs are all ash. be nice to have somebody but nobody wants a hard ass. and my gaurds just so well built tell me how do I disarm it? I would honest! if I could. overtaken by my conscious. it just eats me in a frenzy like ive fallen pirahnas (I can't fuck with you. I got trust issues. and I couldn't stay. no I couldn't stay. if I wanted to.. I got trust issues. pulling me away.) its not you its me. I always hated that beat. always hated the sound. i knew it's true inner meanings. but i also know that i sabotage myself in a blink. Cant explain it really, but i do inarguably. and im sorry for every good chance i sqaundered to flee. just vulnerability ain't much an option for me. I try. but Im just klutz and these scars that they usee don't help. but they ain't fading. prolly here till I cease. i don't mind em I just know that others always retreat. nobody wants a person stressing, cursed to overly think. so I just keep myself at distance as I struggle to breath. air bubbles then sink. just keep all of my troubles to me. despite this puddle I'm bleeding out in, still holding people at length. don't wanna drag em down with me, their too good for this grief. too beautiful much to ever stand shoulder with beast. I'll figure this out though. it's what I tell me at least. (I can't fuck with you. I got trust issues. and I couldn't stay. no I couldn't stay. if I wanted to.. I got trust issues. pulling me away. I'm so sick of feeling my soul helpless. always so underserving of anything worth daring. feeling this ache tear me apart. more and more barren as time barrels by. so sick of this life barely sleeping at night. sick of me feeling this knife buried deep in my side. and sick of being unable to cry. sick of me faking these smiles just so they leave me to die wish I was normal. so sick of being unable to thrive.