inside the feelings gettin heavy thought i had enough time wasn't ready to tell you how i feel but you know by now why i didnt come around kept a low profile division i been dealing with all the equations the same kind of thing that happens in all places family too broken from too many deaths too many past decisions and too much regret i still felt my dad when i saw you the urn of what he used to be when i come thru still feeling a bond because he lived with you 5 years removed and it's still difficult walking up to knock on the door thinking hed still be on the mattress on the floor a feeling only a few of my friends know i went thru this with my mom 14 yrs ago so when i heard hospice it flashed me back to hospital visits and i couldnt relax faced with something now that's the compilation of all im really losing myself im really watching it fall shattered into pieces that i cant pick up telling myself just dont think too much but how can i when all i ever do is think more than i can handle this was the kitchen sink your partner you despised left that year as well we never got closure and im feeling it well deep up inside and bubble up to my brain hoping for relief thst comes in different strains no way for peace, the thing that i want most is to really hug you all but thats no way to cope i know that life is cyclical but it don't make it fair that i gotts hope that yall all watching from a place somewhere