bpd way

my mental health is whacked looking behind me from fear of attack. need my therapist right back. past trauma comes back to haunt me. comes back to taunt me. comes back to floor me. more time of work, more unpaid bills more bad habits and cheap thrills. The way people treat you if you have mental health. They act all stealth. the look of sorrow. before it gets to much and they cut you off like zorrow always looking to be like someone else. And then someone yells. that's me triggered, they got me all figured.  That's me internally screaming, that's the limit there's me bleeding. There's me needing. But bpd takes hold and am left out in the cold. I've pushed everyone away. Feeling lonely, feeling phoney. Eating junk,self harm and sleeping for days. Thats the bpd ways. Will I ever be happy, will I ever be cured. Everyday I feel like am being lured.