focused 1st cut

I'm under this cloud of dust and man its really fuckin gettin to me never wanted anything less than to make my family love me left in the dark for so long that it's became a focus to me but even the Lord knows that I'm lost without a reason homie I once had a vision that went higher than the ceiling broke it down and made this voice condemned the fuckin system slowly leaving at the part that's hard but it's what we leave behind us now I'm just ranting cause I don't have any more fuckin time left that's why I focused I don't think u understand what I been dealing with lately I don't think u have the mind frame to make me stable maybe I should stop dreaming and stay awake I'm needing another rollin chicken bone amphetamines get tweaking maybe get out of the bed but I'm so far in my head loose leaf paper scribblez but no notes to see where I began my life force has gone away the blue skies are dark and grey when leelan died I told my self I will not be just a name but look at me I'm falling through all the cracks so fuckin quickly I need a savior quick before I'm dead and nobody can save I bet dad's rolling in his grave I bet mom forgot my name is bet grandma hates to say my grandson has brought me shame so why should I hold on another day has come and gone I don't want to hurt you I don't want to be them thoughts I know u have been bruised but I will leave u cut up these scars are only skin deep but feelings hurt make deeper rutts