Emotions rule my head and world, I don't want to feel anymore, i want to be numb, void, unaware, still, motionless, emotionless, neither alive nor dead like a rock or a sofa cushion, inanimate like a stone statue, no expectations, no feelings like wall paper, no thoughts. I am a question mark at best, an idea, a thought, an image and an illusion but if thats the case then how come I feel so real? I'm unreal, unnatural, untainted, pure, uninfluenced, untouched, like a fresh sheet of paper or fresh bed sheets, sheets sheets, say it as you breathe sheets sheets. A loose cog they say, a bent fork, a shoe with a hole that lets in puddle water slowly ruining your day, a red, angry and inflamed boil on the inside of a thigh...how irritating. A splinter, a ball and chain, CHAAIIINS, link by link I've built and clinked, by God dickens was right i think. You're not all there they say, how many of there is me? Who is it they see? Where is me? Where is thy me's? I thought I was the only one who could see them all, i guess not. Loose screws hahaha i have plenty, do you need some? The hop skip is the easy bit, its the jump that's hard. Why should i believe in myself if im an illusion? Reality, my reality, everyones reality and perceptions all twisted now, we've gone too far. I'll bite it off you wretched little piss maggot. Oh life, fuck you, fuck you and all the troubles you bring to a conscious mind, how can i ever find comfort knowing I'm nothing more then a chemical reaction, a carbon filled chemistry set with the ability to know it to. How can i ever find peace if all you give me is hungar for death and war. How can i ever find love if all you fill me with is hate and mistrust. How can i ever be happy when I've learnt to hate myself and all that i am. To tolerate the intolerable is a life long chore. To be comfortable being uncomfortable takes great practice and is no task for the weak of heart or for those that bare a voided hole where it should be, trying to fill it like a bucket with holes, pointless, pointless. What REALLY is morality? What REALLY is right and wrong? How am i to seek it out without hurting others along the way. Do you hear that? Its the earth turning, the drone of millions of tons of earth shifting continuously, the hum of the hive, a hive with no rightful queen, a hive filled with fat, greedy drones all looking for there next fix of life from someone else. I plan to destroy the hive one day and in my minds eye I have destroyed it a thousand times over. I am King. Where is my queen? One thing i do know tho is that i invite the cold dead embrace of the earth, when its time i won't turn it away, I'll simply grin and welcome it.