real depression

Depression everyone keeps asking how I'm doing or how am I mentally. Well I tell them hey uhh yeah I'm ok nothing they should know because they'll just judge me and tell me that my depression isn't as bad as there's or that I got it easier than most people. Well maybe that's true maybe I do have it easier than others but that doesn't mean that my depression isn't as bad as theirs. There are so many reasons why my depression could be worse than others and the secrets that arent just mine that I keep are keeping me from truly being happy because I have so much that I can't say that I just feel as if I'm running. Running forever not able to stop and breathe its a non stop race with my mind and having said that there are even some days where it gets worse and I feel like running away from where I live and these thoughts get worse for me everyday cause everyday I go back to where I'm living right now and I have to take responsibility not only for myself but for me and my father to check up on him to make sure thst he's ok and to make sure that he hasn't lost his marbles and then I got other stuff I need to do that I don't even have time to calm down from the day I don't have time for my me time I don't get that and if I do its like only five seconds its nothing it doesn't last long and what's worse I get these feeling of wanting to smoke pot and cigarettes and to drink and forget all my problems and to not be alive so depression maybe different for others but its definitely the same for others cause we all struggle with the same issues with family school and realationships I mean I'm going through a breakup rn but I seem I'm fine right wrong I'm just hiding it all from people so they don't get scared of me for. Showing human emotions