Cold Hearted

I was scared to turn off the lights. Petrified by my past. I still remember that Friday night. When I met him. Going to family events. Turns awkward and silent. I don't care for you guys nor do I trust any one of you fuckers. I know these family pictures. They show a happy loving family. But I've become cold since that incident. You don't know nothing about me. I guess I'm a disappointment to the family. You think I'm getting back on my feet to make you fucking proud of me. I know you think of me as a failure. But I've grown balls. I don't fucking care. Why do you think we barely see each other anymore. I don't care for people who wish nothing good for my well being. I'll toss you away and stomp on you. I learned to love money after working at my first job. Cuz money doesn't lie nor steal. Money doesn't judge nor care about the shit u did. Money moves forward. Money provides you with a life. As long as you hustle each day to earn enough to get by another day. I don't have any time to spend with you guys. Holidays are just another day to me. Id be more happy working Christmas Eve than eating Christmas cookies at your house. I got money to make. I need to accumulate so my wallet doesn't get hungry. I cant feed myself and live cozy if I don't earn my paycheck. Fuck it. I know I'm still a kid. My party days were short lived. Nobody my age can comprehend the shit I had to go through. The people that can. Either ended up in a place they wanna be or lying in there own grave. I got no desire for sex. Im not a virgin because I'm an advocate for God. I'm a virgin cause pussy means nothing to me. Call me a faggot. But when your stuck with 7 kids and an overweight wife. And I'm living off of the money I saved. Than you tell me who fucked up. Never wanted a family. Never wanted to marry. Couldnt comprehend the meaning of honesty and integrity between two living people. I just want money. I've been called every word in the book. At 15 years old I was in trouble with the law. I was introduced to a cold hearted reality. Yall wanna brag about fucking doing thug shit. Motherfuckers couldnt deal with the consequences. Your bad deed will soon catch up to u. I know from experience. Trust me. Soon Karma will catch up to you. I've hustled to earn a living. It got me outta trouble and introduced me to reality. This is how the world works. Cash flows. Cash is the building block of accomplishment and success. People ask me all the time. Don't you want to feel loved again. Don't you wanna go to social events. Don't you wanna have friends again. Don't you wanna be out with people your age. I got money to make. I got a job to intend to. Call me a dick but my job is more important than a fucking Thanksgiving holiday meal. I cant move up in life if I'm spending worthless time with people who don't care for me. I'd rather work that day. Than be in a room with people that put me down. You fucks can go suck a dick. I'm not worried about dying alone. I've been alone for three years. I haven't been with a girl in three years.I haven't felt the touch of a girl in a long time. But I'm still breathing. I've been fine so far. Sure these nights can be lonely. Do I care if I lay to rest in my grave one day. With no spouse to continue this legacy I'm trying build. No. I don't give a fuck. I know I've missed out on a lot of shit. I'm 17. But my soul is 35 years old. I've grown up from childish shit. If I can do it. Than why cant you? Don't fucking talk shit. You don't know what the fuck I've been through homie. We can rise up from the ashes and make ourselves better.