a happy place.... mad hatter's......

now I've been living my life to please myself for so long. I really don't know when I made the wrong turn. maybe I was greedy or didn't pay enough attention. could have been all the drugs I've done. somewhere I lost my will to do right. now it seems I just don't give a damn anymore. what's the point of struggling so hard just to find yourself in last place. living day today with a s***** job and less pay then everybody else around me. walking down the street they all look at me like I'm a bum. some low life scum. after so long started thinking they were right. with my morals intact and my conscience not quite right. it's easy to see why I would feel that way. scrambling to make ends meet. scratching to survive. I persistently push ahead to make my day better. so that when I lay at night I'm a sleep better. hoping the nightmares don't torment my mind to morning. so I can wake the face another day. with the hopes of great possibilities. beating down is what I'm used to it's happy I have yet to face. will I ever find my happy place.