Kill To Have It

In short and simple. I messed up my brain even after knowing drugs are not good for my mental health condition. According to my community psychiatrist schizophrenia is a lifelong sickness. Especially the schizophrenia symptoms I have. She told me this when I started seeing her which was 10 years back. I messed my brain up because even after 6 years I wasn’t having any grandiose delusions. What I have done was totally unintentional. Everything seems like it was predetermined. Once again I ended up at the hospital. Psych ward. I finally started getting grandiose delusions. Since 2022 until now I have grandiose religious delusions that are unshakable. For the past three years I have brought myself so high up. That I can live the rest of my life being glorious. My schizophrenia symptoms had improved with a great margin. Then why did I ruin it? The odds were 50% because only half of the diagnosed schizophrenics experience grandiose delusions. Plus I’m the one with cannabis induced psychosis as well. The past 3 years I have lived. People may kill to have it.