time is an illusion

intro it all started in 1994 when my parents divorced 9 years old oldest of 3 told I was the man of the house now but what did that mean? wasn't ready for the pressure like a balloon too much and I go boom always I thought i had a good head on my shoulders thought I was strong enough to lift these thousand pound boulders but I wasn't ready for the damage that'd be done for the next years to come kept it all inside myself didnt want to trouble anyone else years went by and i laughed when I shouldve cried wasted my energy wasted my time now im 40 years old and still wondering why im physically here but feel dead inside so many I love have gone too early from this Earth all I can say is it really hurts time is an illusion one second its here the next its not. so give it everything you've got.....