Hide and Seek (18:16)

09/12/2022 - I don't mean to say the stupid ignorant things her blinded by my actions thinking is he mad shit what did I do didn't mean to pursue when without trust only wasting your time hurting us shit my dude that's dirty that's fowl that's abuse god damn my guy what the fuck is wrong with you don't mean to act so beat broken like this is something new nah I knew she was losing me giving my thoughts reason power and accountability to keep torturing you when I know it only helps build the hurt fear and distaste you feel stupid me she's told you repeatedly a thousand times don't you think it's about time for shit to sink through don't you act like boy and give her any excuse a broken heart can never be excused my actions they tear you down and lead me to this loneliness killing me while you run and hide hard to believe now with you gone no need to sugar coat you came back once two times no far too many to count for the attacks on us through my mind then I arrived at your house to open your eyes one last time to kill that last spark you hide no one knows no not even I last bit of love that you clung onto I held the key to your heart a heart that I hurt scar'd turned dark I got guilt so deep still pointing my finger when in reality you were the one being real so true to me hurt pain those two you did not want to feel no not a narcissist this wasn't planned not trying to manipulate or gas light but to you I was something I was special I was your Man still I can remember in our tent a curly haired girl all read in the face blurt out "I got a boyfriend" we all laughed it was us and a couple of your girlfriends Love in your eyes everyone could see still so oblivious though to me covered in fantasy hate and lies assumptions created in a broken man's mind if it came down to life and death I know in my heart that you'd still ride for me I hated on you all the while you yearned for my touch my affection I was slowly killing you inside pushing you away until you gave up I failed you jealous whenever someone came through to buy drugs when you were only looking out trying to make money for us I kept up with my shit pushed you till you fell out of love so really the blame is mine and I was the one in a sense that walked out on us I'm sorry I keep saying sorry my actions don't show much but push you far from me want to be the man which you have asked to bury the past back where it belongs in the past honestly though I think us getting out maybe took a break at times from puffing on that glass the person I was then not me in the least I like to smile crack jokes the one that's got to make people laugh wish we would have got out enjoyed life more not getting upset cuz all we did was argue and fight me being an ass only lead to you annoyed because of my hurt disrespect and treating you bad you don't ,deserve to be called names when for me you always went out of your way came through no matter what I asked of you am I too late babe have I pushed it too far I want to change I want to hold you treat you with all that kindness you hold in your heart not disrespect belittle and tear you apart  you always we're such a knockout perfect to me in every aspect of life I showed you anger sadness treated you and your friends with such disrespect unloyalness all that I regret I'm fortunate that you even still speak to me but convinced that will fade that your love for me is a thing of the past my actions rude mean it's so hard to grasp it if things had been different maybe we could have lasted