Performance Dedicated To Heather Louise Morse

Lord will i ever, learn from my past mistakes? Could my life result in a man, where his anger lessens. Will i mature at last, wake from the stupor. Overcome this dreaded depression, learn from my lessons. Saten with his demons hard pressing, to the angst of me, in my fury of hate filled words, i wish i could hold back, but constantly im posessed to say. The ever constant urge to stop the devil from messing with my mind to where i falsify things from the truth and the way they truly are How can i be the reason leaving my loving woman lost brused and scard that hard twisted misconcceived pentup anger, that you well know, really theres no need to mention. your mood at a constant pain filled hurt, that you dont deserve. Im sorry your mind probably visions me as evil, as unfaithful, or quite possibly even worse. But that is just obsurd, and couldnt be further from the truth The love i plead for you to believe, how could you? When hurt sadness and anger is all you recieve from me in return of your love care and growing concern. I'm so sorry I had to be the total failure, for only your sweet kind heart i continually break. Torment dripping with anguish and fear, worry of being left behind, left all alone, or cheated on as well as used and rejected. Has clouded my judgement,where you hear of my actions caused from my own hate and resentment at times its more then my heart can seem to take. Drowning my emotions to this state of numb, turning me ice cold from acohal and beer. This be my deepest fear, with this allusion, steamming pools of fire, fueling that spark. That tear us apart, Where we yearn to flee, to be anywhere, but together where we were meant to be. my hope is that sweetheart in the end, and yes its selfish, but that its only you and me. Thats the only way my heart will lead my eyes to see, all else is nonsense! Why cant you see? The assumptions that continue to decieve me, that only succeed. To sending my jealousy to erupt in this furious anger, exagerate the truth, and create false reasons to not trust. Yet still unnerving this beast within me,thrashing for his chance to destroy. The only thing that cures, his cursed dark lonely soul. Your strong faithful true love for everyone to see,but my past keeps misguiding my heart and mind, so i cant believe. Sifting through my head, you left so now, I'm left love deprived and alone. And i made you cry, that truly saddens me on the inside. Sorry for when you leave it saddens me, its just so hard for me to let you go. When i get to see you again, i never know. I misbehave, I hurt you and thats no way for a gentleman to act, or to treat his lady. Its insane, I swear im going crazy, Lord I could use a hand, wont you come save me? A child, such a rude selfish little boy,I am such a disgrace in my ways towards you. I'm in such disaray, and thinkin back, it makes me wish i could take it all back. Not at all trying to talk down on you, but blinded by your own hurt, and jealousy. You failed to see, it was always you that could persuade me. It was you that could soften my heart and make me want to turn off the crazy. I was really beginning to open up, you forced my heart to trust in you. Little did you know, it was only going to end me. You left me alone, my friend gone, because i was cutting deep, killing her with grief on the inside. I try to forget, but what is there i can do? Get drunk, sulk in my sadness, tears that drip, from the result of your absense. It's so obvious, i mean everything and more to you. The last few nights there were no arguements, there were no fights. Why do i have these overwhelming racing thoughts? The urge to slash my own throat with this knife! It's only cause is not to, force you to, have to worry, with constant reasons that only leave you stressing. Filling her mind with deception. The pain and rumors, angry twisted little boy,hurt from his past, trusting his future to be unchanged, so that they co-exist. My love feeling down on her self, and unworthy. For all the ones I trust are the worst, when it should be the ones i push away. The ones im constantly hurting. That is wrong of me, to force out all that hate, to break my angel down. Why is it good and kindness i desire, but the bad and the hate is my choiced way. That only seems to escalate the hurt, to worsten her pain. To my & your hearts, robbing of our trust, fueling the fire. From all the hurt and lies. I yearn so bad to erase those tears from her eyes! To make those words vanish from her mind! That strip us of our love, happiness, and want, of living the rest of our lives together. But forced to say goodbye, when we Know it's wrong. That it's not how we feel inside. I feel like im the one exception. Anger my shield to disguise myself, for I'm insecure, care to much of what they think of me. Depression is constantly in my mind, heart evil from loneliness and fear. You can read, from my every expression. Slicing through her heart, with words of hurt, my deadliest weapon.