Brothers watching over me

I know my brother's watching over me from up in heaven he died whenever he was two man I still have depression the time that I had with them was a blessing and our stepdad took the roll that mine and his dad's was supposed to play I hope he never lives to see another day I usually don't wish death upon people I didn't even know if at night I had a place to stay. I lived in an apartment with cockroaches and we can barely afford rent I'm living the dream no argument people say my brother's death was an accident but none of them was there on the day like I was but every night now I pray. that I never have to relive that day. just hours before he died me and him would play I love him to death I would have killed my stepdad with no regrets. I went to foster care for a year I finally got out no I don't have to live in fear I used to think I was safe but my brother passing away was just a wake up call but little did we know there was rats living in our walls I cried my eyes out the day that CPS picked me up I love my foster parents don't get me wrong but their house didn't feel like home