SUICIDE

#LTEAMR #LTR #LGBTQCANRAP Suicide who am I I can't decide What am I doing Who knew me when I needed help I can't figure things out myself Please,Please,Please Help me I need help I been Thinking Why am I here Hold on let me be clear Suicide is bad When I was little I was abused by my dad That really made me mad I was pinned to the ground I didn't know what to do everything was getting blacked out I could hear the echo of me shouting That fucker kept pounding on my face I couldn't do anything because I was accepting my fate I think it was to late I remember all the blood that I could taste My life story When I was 2 years old I live in a crackhouse my mom would do lots of drugs and smoke and drink. We were poor and we had one room that had a bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, and other crappy stuff. We had to sleep in the same bed I also had a sister Jessica. My mom also had a bf he was a nice guy he got my sister a toy jeep to ride on, but I got a big @ss bike that I could barely sit on. My sister had it all good but I had it worst. My mom didn't have a car or money so I walk to this house where my they gave us food to eat. They lived right down the street from us. My mom was friends with her and she didn't like seeing us not getting fed. Then after a couple of days my mom got a cat but she didn't have any money how did she get the cat, she never said. Well one day my sister was riding in her toy jeep and I was trying to ride the bike and then we heard something in the sky. I went over to see what was happening and a eagle picked up the cat and took it from the yard. My sister was so sad she was asking will the cat come back but my mom didn't say anything like she always does. The cat never came back and my sister was heart broken. Chapter 2 I went to lots of houses when I was little and this one guy hated me so much. So I was going to get a bath and he walk inside to wash his hands. It was easter today and I ask can I have my basket. He said no and I ask why. He didn't say anything then I started to cry and then I turn around to get in the tub and he turn me around and pop me right in the face. I fell into the bath tub. It felt like I was hit by a car. I hit the tub and my nose was bleeding all over the place. My nose was broken and he was just standing there doing nothing but staring at me bleeding. My mom wasn't there to do anything even if she was she would not do anything to help. My sister was outside I think and then she heard me crying and she ran inside to see if I was ok. Well the guy who did it got arrested and sent to prison. Chapter 3 Well after the guy who punched me in the nose went to prison I went to other houses with other people. I was at this house right down the street from that guys house and I was at my mom's mother's house. I thought she was all nice and stuff but she turned out to be a drug user. I sat on her bed and ate grapes and watch tv and I would hear her yelling at her husband. Then there was lots of banging and I could not take it. I went to see what was going on but then I turned back for some reason. Then she will come sit with me on the bed and tell me she loves me. I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing. This lady look like she was dead her face was pale her hair was black and messy. Everyday she smoke in the house and next to me when I was on the bed. After that I went to a different house. Chapter 4 I went to this program that help me with my issues and my moms too. They would have different groups for us and we would talk about the stuff that happen in the past. I still got to that program sometimes. I was with my mom and we were going to go eat dinner at the program and there was some random kid going crazy in the lunch room. This is what scared me so much. The kid was cursing and and punching tables and walls, also people. Then he went near the door I was at and called a B!TCH!!! I was like 3 years old so I was scared. Then the kid go tackled to the ground. After five mins the cops came and arrested the kid. Then after that I went in the lunch room to eat dinner. Chapter 5 I was going to a group where people go when they have issues with their parents. I sat down with this lady with orange hair and she look like she was a boss or something. I still talk to this lady today and she helps me sometimes. Well when I heard that my sister and I where going to a new house to live. I still live there right now and I love it. Before we went there we had a party at the program and we had fun. I was 3 years old so I didn't know what was happening but I do now. I remember saying bye to my mom in the parking lot. I was crying my eyes out and I couldn't stop. I went into a car and my sister and I were going to the new house. Well I was stupid because I open the door while the car was moving and jumped out of the car and fell down a hill. The car quickly stopped and the lady ran right out of the car and went to go get me. After that was done we went to get something to eat and then we headed to the house. Chapter 6 Well I changed now I told my parent's that I am Bi-Sexual and they still love me for who I am. I am really happy that they don't hate me. I have been keeping that secret for a long time and I just didn't want to say anything about it yet but I thought it was the right time so I told them. I still haven't told my whole family but I will soon. Also something happen to my dad's mom. My dad got a letter from someone and when he came home he read it and the sad part is that he was smiling when I gave him the letter. But then that smile went away. I don't know what the letter was about but it was bad or sad. I will keep everyone up to date with this. Chapter 7 My family is crazy My sister is stressed about work my dad lost one of jobs and my mom isn't working. Then I have to deal with all of the drama and I am sick of it. I shouldn't have to go through. To be honest nobody should have to go through something like that. I been have a crazy week and I hope this week is good.