The Abuse

yo check in I've been lost on road with my eyes weary questioning my cause nah do yall really feel me i got hunger deep inside and nothin here fills me so where do i begin ? take back to preschool only kid in the classroom who wasn't cool, couldn't count fast enough using my fingers too answer multiple questions using my number tw0 I was the type of kid , that people like to pick. had a chipped tooth and a fat grin. back then i only had one friend his name was allen with a father working a 5 to 9 during the nine eleven may yo father rest in heaven and when his times up may my father too even after all the shit you put me thru. what am i to say most the day I'm keeping bullies at bay coming home treated like a slave, fear was engraved clean the sinks, clean the room, clean the yard, clean the clothes , clean the walls scrub em hard as kid what you did only cracked my heart, whooped my ass scream and shout what was that about sit there smoking a stogie saying you love me remember when you came home drunk with yo brother percy and he wanted to say hi to mom and you came up and slugged me. i tried to run to family but family wasn't shit to tried to hide from his abuse just a place to sit.but man this fucking noose , and now I'm stuck in fucking fright, cause all my older cousins wanna do is make me fight and yo I always hated It me punching family? it wasn't right and it always escalated. and here i am again on the ground with my face exposed crying with a busted nose, and a beating when I did oppose mom , sharon there really was no excuse, when i failed classes "what is wrong with you" when i needed a hug? nothing out of you her family? same shit just a different tide living with my aunt, was a scary life she'd beat you bad without any plight my uncle would laugh and say "gooood night!" my lil cousin would start the trippin tell everybody, " he aint a Christian " uh oh like the people vs the wall it was a mexican stand off i wasn't about break down for shit fuck naw and fuck yall they all pressed yet i prevailed because i never quit. on exactly how i felt i remember reverend lloyd, yea big grin yet an uncle evil within, used to make false accusations with initimdation, almost caved my chest in and slammed my head in the railing straight coward as a man i was choked up enraged, breathing you said i wish you would when i started seething. well guess what? some dreams come true ive been patiently waiting for you. I've been sitting and fuming dark thoughts tie em in a chair show em he's human. hit his joints with a bat then smoke a joint right off the bat and dump the ashes make my point like that fake ass pastor fall in a pit of lemon juice and broken glasses and slide backwards bastard I became a different breed decided to let you die with time because if i did what i wanted to do my soul wouldn't forgive me Consider this a final goodbye I'm proud of who i am today because i took it all and im still standing I'll keep it honest suicide use to visit my conscious I had to confront it daunted by the doubt left the flames on the porch if you understand my meaning yo i put it out lifes been like a game of rush and roulette one minute you rolling next thing ya know bang don't let your past be your last