carry my load

I find 2 things make me feel like I'm not my best. strapp my self to the corner and shoot myself in the hed. I contemplate my life many times over. but I keep it chill take a pill and keep my composure. I don't find peace in addiction. I keep sober. but whenever I speak that voice speaks over. telling me to find my way outta of hell and keep my head high. my bones shake whenever god says hi. so I stay purified in the spirit I'm cleansed. my life is a limitless end of a million reptilian friends. snakes who make their way to my brain. and cause chaos while I'm trynna make my way through this game. it tell myself that I can make it through this stage of my life. through the rain of pain and strife. the easier solution is putting my name to a knife. but i got to make my way to the profits land I gotta take the opposite hand the harder deal. life is a feast on ourselves and God prepared me a harder meal. a larger meal. but imagine how the father feels. having to press the button of destruction on his children anointed by his name. thats called the harder deal. trade my sanity for a better purpose. do a job for god so he dont have to come back to this hell hole this circus of clowns waiting to murder us. its how life is now. back then it was gods garden. now its Satan's house. but he ain't a taking my crown. not now or today. fixate my eyes on the right path. the right way.