Am I Okay?

I'm tired of being asked if I'm okay. Lately life has been feeling oh so grey, I wish I could just hit replay, and I pray every day, but to my dismay, My life is in disarray. Mayday! Mayday! I wish these feelings would just go away, and every day I say, "Don't ask if I'm okay, I'll just lie to your face, I know I'm a disgrace, and no one ever wanted me anyway." What am I supposed to say, when the world feels so grey? I wish I could just say, "6 feet under ground is where I want to lay." Don't ask if I'm alright. You'll never have an insight, to my life. Look me in my eyes, I swear it's not wise, too hold cries, when saying your goodbyes. Now I'm stuck behind this disguise. I hide behind a smile, but I wonder is it worthwhile? It will be a while, until I can say my life has been restyled, because I reconciled, with my demons I'll, change my whole style, so I don't look so vile. I hope it works, I'll, hope it's worthwhile. But then again, life is just a game to win, I hold my feelings in a pin, because if I don't cage them, Then I'll just be condemned. I wish I didn't have to hide, who I am inside, I cry every night, because I don't know if I'll be alright. I don't know if I'll be alright. "Don't ask if I'm okay, I'll just lie to your face, I know I'm a disgrace, and no one ever wanted me anyway." What am I supposed to say, when the world feels so grey? I wish I could just say, "6 feet under ground is where I want to lay." I wish I didn't have to do this, but I feel its my only option, I hope I can be pardoned, even though I've fallen, holding a shotgun. Maybe when I'm rotten, I can fertilize a garden, I know this song may dishearten, Those I've known since kindergarten. I have tried to sharpen, my thoughts but I've forgotten, everything I once learned It's uncommon, for me to feel like I'm common, when I have this sign that says caution, on my face, warning others to stay away, all I do is cause pain, to those who think I'm sane. I'm not necessarily insane, I just don't really trust my brain, it tortures me, it's plain to see, how I am my own worst enemy. But all along, the only thing keeping me strong, I don't want to do wrong, to my family if I'm gone, and had my life withdrawn, then by dawn, my parents would see my body with me gone, I don't want, them to think it's their fault, because it's not, I'm just so tired of living. I'm just so tired of living. "Don't ask if I'm okay, I'll just lie to your face, I know I'm a disgrace, and no one ever wanted me anyway." What am I supposed to say, when the world feels so grey? I wish I could just say, "6 feet under ground is where I want to lay." All this time, I couldn't get it right, but now I see the light, and God, it's so bright. I wished I would find, the meaning of my life, It was in front of me all this time. "Please ask if I'm okay, I won't lie to your face, I know I'm no disgrace, and I was wanted just this way." I know what I'm supposed to say, when the world feels so grey, And now I can just say, "6 feet under ground isn't where I want to lay." #AmIOkay