heart feels as the soul speaks

my heart be like my soul be like dadadadum dadaddadum everytime I close my eyes I see darkness. it's not that my eyes are closed but it's my spark its. fk it let's spark this. like when is it gonna stop when am I gonna park this. my Hope's n dreams becoming further away til it's the farthest. like look maybe it's the thought of his like thinking the things that I should've would've. I never did but I swear could've. take a lil trip to the past where I couldn't speak think about the things that belittle like I couldn't reach. I always hated being stuck in the middle I'm like why the fk didnt u just take the lead. wondering why the room all foggy y u dont eat. now I realize I felt froggy I close my eyes n leap. I see I'm in to deep thinking its Halloween yo its trick or treat. only its tricks to treat. my mentality is twisted like wheres the old me cause damn I miss him. wheres that lil boy his souls gold always down for missions he always did what he was told. lil boys become heartless men as his heart they stole. I look into his mind all I see is nights that's cold a broken childhood caught on the road. wondering if its better if he was on his own. chorus I relied on drug dealing it felt like I was a pro. I blamed it on them everytime ide had those falls. going through books n numbers like how he drop the ball. like I thought i knew him nah u dont know me at all. its the goal ur perusing I think u sold ur soul. it's like I've cried forever sure feels like my shirts all soaked. it's like I'm battered and bruised as a new year approach. feel like fk these shoes these fiends thus dope. days like these it's hard to cope so fk ur feelings maybe I should be hanged by rope. I've lost all hope started to hate this season never been so broke. but theres something deep inside of me call it the higher power or maybe its my mentality. its calling me saying ur meant to be great. follow ur destiny start now it's never too late. do it for the kids sake or do cause its fate. days of darkness I call a reality check. dogs hungry keep barking it's a life with depts. thinking I'm ahead it's ok should've filled my head with lead. sorry kids Santa claus ain't coming I stole his sled. santa claus is hungry cause I ate his bread. god is great is the sign he read. god ain't coming as the devil crept. so he watched as he waited as nothing arrived so slowly he faded. thinking of the past the things he hated. look at where I'm at. I see u I salute. I'm happy u made it. one day I'll be there so I flip the pages. dadadadum dadadadum