Fade these tears

i love you brother but the pain i feel is deep for my mother abd father it still makes me weap i wish i could explain how i feel but its an emotion i can not keep my tears will seep and make an ocean themwelves i was so focused on repeating what my dad did and tried ti make some wealth now my hearts feeling numb i feel so dumb somedays i wish id just go to hell but i want to see my mom and dad on the other side ive listened to so many stories but my brothers have lied in hopes to acell. i was locked for three months inside of a cell solitary confinement making me feel unwell the walls were so empty but yet i somehow felt whole a place where everyone is your enemy and your only friend is a hole sounds like quite the life metaphorically but deep inside it eats uncontrolled i missed out on my fathers life cus i was smoking too many bowls of all types is this what i call my life i used to peek to the highest point then fall from heights wishing i had of never let go but people keep telling me to fight and to make my futire my goal while this pain strikes me and raises a toll my life was a struggle i made it my fear to keep myaelf humble and destroy any tears i want a girl to cuddle someone to help fade these years i prayed for god to help me and he did everyday but somehow i felt like i had a role to continue being cold till i was freezing i wasnt even sleeping i was serving my time in full i used to think how every line would unfold makiing rhymes to tell myself i know ill make it through its hard to smile everyday when so many people show their hate to you can you relate? im blue but inside i know exactly what i have to do . sometimes you think im strong but if only you knew