The pain is killing me

The pain is killing me Karma is biting in the ass and at least its healing me Lessons of losing your soul mate Because iam so broken you couldn't wait Now thinking I need to medicate But nothing seems to kill the pain I am so embarrassed Why did I do this I can't explain the mess inside my brain The time has come And I am feeling dumb The universe has spoken It broke old wounds right open It was to good To good to true I could not handel the feelings that grew So I raged out and pushed you away Took your heartbreak the wrong way I took it as a threat This ia my deepest regret Now as I lay here in agony Knowing you wont come back to me I cant see the light Without you in my life It was tge fight or flight that took you out of my life My nervous system needs to take a hike I am sick of feeling anything this is the worst and I am going insane Please dear god or spirt that rules Take away this pain i apologize I was rude I feel the consequences of my harsh words But am thankful it occurred Now as I am humbled by this lost I beg it to stop It