until im laid to rest
1994 my first daughter was BORN. That changed my life like I was REBORN. torn between being a dad and a MAN. My purpose of being a dad was to do the best i CAN. Or could I really wish I would have done things DIFFERENTLY. To change now a days how she looks at ME. Yeah I know im loved but am I really WANTED. I don't know and that's just HAUNTED. or haunting of something im WANTING. But im stuck in this MAZE. Wasn't prepared to be a dad in this day and AGE. so i jumped all in because it wasn't about me no MORE. Shes my number one my babygirl whom I do ADORE. Fast forward to 1994 the second time even closer to HEAVEN. My second daughters birth it had me DRIVEN. To do better than before but I wanted MORE. To show her what I had INSTORE. I was a good dad but I wasn't the BEST. Falling and failing almost every TEST. of my fatherhood because I had no EXAMPLE. Becoming a dad with my life in SHAMBLES. it wasn't till later I became ADDICTED. At that point my life just SHIFTED. Running back to God for another CHANCE. feeling He was tired of my same ol' song and DANCE. Asking for forgiveness and REDEMPTION. Hoping to learn from my past LESSONS. Fast forward 2000. Another chance to be a HERO. In my daughters life no longer ADDICTED. feeling alive no longer RESTRICTED. Zillennenial twins born 1 minute APART. Overwhelming joy heart stopped then START. and kept beating kept BREATHING. Seeing them grow from the BEGINNING words can not explain the love joy and the PAIN. Self harm hating myself trying not to go INSANE. I love my GIRL'S. more than anything and everything in this WORLD. I dont know if they know how truly sorry I AM. For not loving myself enough to show who I truly AM. my inner child died along time AGO. And for a man with daughters that's not how it's supposed to GO. There supposed to slow you down change your WAYS. I was still a little selfish on certain DAY'S. Ill die for them kill for THEM. Without a shadow of a doubt thats who I AM. Ill be there for them until my last BREATH. Or until my heart stops and im laid to REST. All I can do is ask for their FORGIVENESS. And ask God to heal THIS. Whatever this is because I dint know where I STAND. In their lives or hearts am I still considered dad or even a MAN. I cry every time I think of the PAST. Because its not supposed to be like this how long will this pain in our hearts LAST. Im the problem in every WAY. im the one that chose to leave that DAY. There is more to tge story but its just a SPELL. Because im pretty sure there's a special place in HELL. for someone like me a has been or never was FATHER. Not even a dad just a BOTHER. Taking up space in their LIVES. I almost died in 20NINETEEN. now im fully clean trying to be SEEN. I only wish they can see, what only God SEES.
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1994 my first daughter was BORN. That changed my life like I was REBORN. torn between being a dad and a MAN. My purpose of being a dad was to do the best i CAN. Or could I really wish I would have done things DIFFERENTLY. To change now a days how she looks at ME. Yeah I know im loved but am I really WANTED. I don't know and that's just HAUNTED. or haunting of something im WANTING. But im stuck in this MAZE. Wasn't prepared to be a dad in this day and AGE. so i jumped all in because it wasn't about me no MORE. Shes my number one my babygirl whom I do ADORE. Fast forward to 1994 the second time even closer to HEAVEN. My second daughters birth it had me DRIVEN. To do better than before but I wanted MORE. To show her what I had INSTORE. I was a good dad but I wasn't the BEST. Falling and failing almost every TEST. of my fatherhood because I had no EXAMPLE. Becoming a dad with my life in SHAMBLES. it wasn't till later I became ADDICTED. At that point my life just SHIFTED. Running back to God for another CHANCE. feeling He was tired of my same ol' song and DANCE. Asking for forgiveness and REDEMPTION. Hoping to learn from my past LESSONS. Fast forward 2000. Another chance to be a HERO. In my daughters life no longer ADDICTED. feeling alive no longer RESTRICTED. Zillennenial twins born 1 minute APART. Overwhelming joy heart stopped then START. and kept beating kept BREATHING. Seeing them grow from the BEGINNING words can not explain the love joy and the PAIN. Self harm hating myself trying not to go INSANE. I love my GIRL'S. more than anything and everything in this WORLD. I dont know if they know how truly sorry I AM. For not loving myself enough to show who I truly AM. my inner child died along time AGO. And for a man with daughters that's not how it's supposed to GO. There supposed to slow you down change your WAYS. I was still a little selfish on certain DAY'S. Ill die for them kill for THEM. Without a shadow of a doubt thats who I AM. Ill be there for them until my last BREATH. Or until my heart stops and im laid to REST. All I can do is ask for their FORGIVENESS. And ask God to heal THIS. Whatever this is because I dint know where I STAND. In their lives or hearts am I still considered dad or even a MAN. I cry every time I think of the PAST. Because its not supposed to be like this how long will this pain in our hearts LAST. Im the problem in every WAY. im the one that chose to leave that DAY. There is more to tge story but its just a SPELL. Because im pretty sure there's a special place in HELL. for someone like me a has been or never was FATHER. Not even a dad just a BOTHER. Taking up space in their LIVES. I almost died in 20NINETEEN. now im fully clean trying to be SEEN. I only wish they can see, what only God SEES.
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