dad your really gone

I wish i would have tried with my family by my side I thank about it everyday and I almost nearly cried. I be lackin I be packin and my guilt it be attackin. And those non trust blocks the lies oh my gosh they just keep stackin. This not who I am it’s just what I’ve been through and every time I wake up I fill like nothings new. I hate that nobody can see my point of view. And every time I talk people fill like nothings true. I just want to go back In time. When I was a in my prime. And I’m only 14 that got a be a crime. Someone be with me. My dad was always there for me. Through the ups and the downs the highs and the lows sometimes I be hearing sounds and I fill like he’s close. Why he gotta die that changed my life. I used to be this great kid and now I’m holding the knife. I know he in heaven but someimes I be pretending that nothing happened that nothings new and trust it’s devastating. I was doing things I shouldn’t to try to help but In All honesty it didn’t help. I’ll be honest I took a few puff puffs. I learned how to do it but the results were rough rough. I been diagnosed with a lot of things. Severe depression yes it really stings. Sometimes I fill like I’m pregnant with all the mood swings. I don’t know if it’s puberty but it’s something. I’m sorry mom I’ve been really disrespectful. I don’t know why but nothings really helpful. It’s hard seeing you with these other guys. It’s like you moved on that dad really died. When i see this I fill fried.