i done lived life at a fast past

i done lived life at a fast past watched it change at an even faster pace cold sweats running down my face as my heart races i done been in some dark places ive done been face to face with killers drug dealers and rapists dodged a few cases ive talked to god before asked if we could trade places ive been on my knees begging for forgiveness ive felt alone in a room full of people i would of killed for ive felt what it's like to know my disppearance would go unoticed ive been abandon at my lowest i was given free will i guess ive made some bad choics ive stayed up late battling mental illness hearing voices ive struggled with addiction way longer than i like to mention ive felt what its like to hold a knife in a way no man should ever have to explain ive tasted tears of regret and shame while watching the world laugh at my pain ive broke bread housed and fed for people that would never do the same ive layed down in a bed and knew i wasnt the only man ive created lives that changed mine and helped me to become a man ive felt the emptiness inside of being a let down barely able to provide ive loved so hard at one point i believed the lies ive saved lives that would of sacrificed mine ive given people my last dime when i didnt have a dime to give ive done time and wrote statements on myself just to give my mom more time with a roof over her head ive starved while i fed ive watched people's laugh while i bled ive felt my stomach touching my ribs ive forgiven people that didn't deserve to be forgiven ive been misunderstood ive done more good in the dark just out of the kindness of my heart and felt mine get ripped apart ive watched a picture be painted of me and just asked got to hear my heart ive gotten up every time ive fallen ive stolen and worn clothes from the lost and stolen worn holes in my shoes until i was homeless and shirtless and without shoes ive slept on sidewalks on a cardboard box and ive been on some blocks wide eyed and watching the cops ive felt like i had it all figured out but in reality was honestly lost ive felt what its like to grow up with out a mons and pops ive been the outcast ive been dumb ive been wrong ive felt numb and been wronged ive held on in situations right or wrong i know how it feels to long for something for so long then one day it just up and gone ive watched the love fade out of someones eyes as they moved on ive been bounced around from home to home like a game of ping pong ive cryed outside wishing i had a doorbell some one would ding on i stopped talking first and stared at a phone that didnt ring anymore ive slept on couches park benches floors and random people's cars ive given my shoulders to cry on when i was the one needing someone to lean on ive been lied to stole from cheated on and beaten on ive been adopted and felt like i was never wanted as i child i got locked away key on the door and the window beating on the wall forced to pissin the corner or cat litter box