I hate the gym. (ihatethegym!)

showed up once, scanned the card like I lost a bet, Place smell like sadness mixed with protein sweat, Dude at the desk built like a folded lawn chair, Said “Have a great workout,” I said “I ain’t sure I care.” Walked past mirrors, they aggressive as hell, Every angle screaming “bro you live in Taco Bell,” Tried to stretch once, heard my skeleton pop, Sounded like a ziplock bag getting stepped on in Crocs. Everybody staring like they filming a trial, I just tied my shoe and needed rest for a while, Dude next to me screaming lifting something insane, I pulled a neck muscle just adjusting my chain. Hook: I hate the gym, I hate the gym, Everything in there feel like punishment from sin, Treadmill judging me, don’t wanna see me win, I pressed “start,” it said, “you sure?” I said, “nah, I’m good, end.” Saw a dude drinking something nuclear green, Looked like he squeezed Shrek through a Halloween screen, Trainer walked up like “what’s your fitness goal?” I said “honestly just leave with emotional control.” Tried one squat, felt my ancestors complain, Ghost of my grandpa said “don’t do that again,” Weights hit the floor, whole building went quiet, I blamed it on a guy stretching, sparked a small riot. Bike ain’t going nowhere, that’s the part that’s insane, I been pedaling ten minutes, still inside the same pain, Lady next to me running like she escaping a curse, I been walking three miles and somehow feel worse. Hook: I hate the gym, I hate the gym, Place got me questioning my life and my limbs, Mirror said “fight,” my body said “quit,” Went to the locker room and just sat there a bit. Left early, confidence completely deceased, Rewarded myself with like fourteen mozzarella sticks at least, They said “consistency,” I said “I tried once,” Now my gym membership just a monthly tax stunt.