Down Lately..

Yoo... Its Aye El... I havent been feelin well... No matter this thick shell i show so others cant tell what i hold so deep in hell this story unfolds.. This jacket dont help when im cold so i keep on with the notes.. I feel myself start to seep down this narrow street, like an arrow in the knee, you made me bleed. And then i start to think, why do these stars seem bleek? Like i cant see what im meant to be, im breakable like a glass centerpiece... But when i envisioned this, it felt like bliss, now people say they would rather hear themself piss, i guess im just a fuckup in this game im in, they keep saying, "no bro play like this". But i cant even be me, without people throwing a fit... Without knowing shit, they just throwing kicks and punches.. Ive been gettin abused mentally all my life so what of it?? Not from the people i love but from the pain i covered in my own blood, its my own mess too clean up, so i just need some help. Not like im insane or nothin but i just seem painless and loving, like i just somehow shoved it from being the main thing i think of when all the sudden, it comes back at me like a dozen times daily its always the same thing, why are you pacing, is the anxiety driving you crazy? Are you wondering why your hated? Are you wondering why you made it? Or are you simply just suffocating in the same brain that made you panick from taking the pain meds, like maybe being sober is what made you different.... This is what im trting to say to myself so i dont go off on myself, i dont hate me im serious im just wondering why i double bacl on the thoughts that cross my mind its blinding... Wondering, why me?