first verse Trauma

0:00

It's trauma, yea Fighting all these demons in my mind It's trauma Stickin to my gut and staying with my kind Trauma, Like a soldier in the rut ill be Fighting with these demons till my body goes to rot. I was born in a family who was already broken, filled with trauma Filled with lies And a mama who was just trying to cope my sister and I would cry and hold one another Stuck in a corner while different men are beating on my mother. I covered all the pain with drugs and lies and now I'm ashamed to even feel alive I've had to bury the pain deep inside While I pray to my divine To keep me strong and stay defined Livin a life where I'd require a mask to hide all the facts that I was deeply broken inside. Bottled up and kept to myself until triggers set me off and I'm ready to pop. But hold up, they have meds for that. I'm against that shit, numbing my brain so I won't feel the pain. But instead I'll be dead inside. Pause- chorus-hook All I wanted was a family Someone to love me Someone to hug me Just someone to show up Not by a mother who wasn't ready to grow up. Or a father who was battling his own demons before us My dad was never around and I don't hate him for it. He was just trying to find and support his family Even though I was left to fight my own battles, sent to my room where I cry in denial I wasn't ever good enough for you, I was broken, tired and helpless My childhood left me drained and damaged All the fighting made me block out the memories. I cant even remember my child hood tendencies To busy trying to survive and stay afloat but all the damage is done and im sinking slow I try and let go and this is how i do it. I write it all down and throw in some music pour out my emotions into this song. I'm sorry I'm not the man you wishd of me, you tore that apart when you would whip on me. All i wanted was love and still today searching. Just be left with a hole in my heart from all of the broken ones. I had to learn to let go and forgive all the past. But what's really hard is reliving it. To let go isnt easy, you have to deal with the grieving Loss of the ones that meant so dearly But it's a journey I'm on to better myself and make life worthy. So here I'll end it until another day when life gets in the way and I start to fade. I'll turn to the music and jot down my thoughts to live without pain is all i ever wanted...

15 Comments

Leave a comment

Mike K

Author

2 years ago