Today I took a look in the mirror It took a lot of courage to fight the fear scared of the horrible monster to appear Wh

Today I took a look in the mirror It took a lot of courage to fight the fear scared of the horrible monster to appear What I saw caused me to tear up and leave try to disappear When did I decide to not steer? Letting go of the wheel trying to go numb and not feel. Trying to decipher what is and is not real. Haven't had time for my heart to heal. I feel it's my money you want to steal. I didn' sign up for this ordealthe timing and situation are not ideal. All of us fighting for our next meal. To some thnis is no big deal t.o our team the struggle is real. Irritated and wanting to kill. The contract my ex was sure to sign and seal. It's like the mother Fulkerson doesn't feel. The calouse way he left me was unreal. Dopoed the bomb a day after my sister died. What the fuck my soul screamed out and cried. Ever since then my emotions and mind have. been fried. Sadness roars out like an ocean tide. What am I supposed to be doing? I just can't fiucking decide. My first instincts to run and hide. Take a Long cruise go for a ride. Once in a while contemplate suicide. Several times I have tried. when asked if I was okay I lied. If it wasn't for you I would have died. Sent here to be my guide. Lead me through7 the darkness to the light on the other side. Thought we could help each other. Way too much resistance from my mother. Even more resistance from my brother. Thoghht we were brought here for one another. Our love started to control and smother. We got tired if each other. Or maybe it was fake all along. Where did I go. wrong ? At first I was incredibly strong. once I relapsed I wasn't healthy for long. Decided to release my pain through song. I am going insane I have a tumor in the centeof my brain. Headaches make me feel like I have been hit by a train. Terrible, horrible, intense pain. Feel like crying, screaming and yelling, learning to refrain. Trying to make qnyone who crosses me a stain. wondering what exactly I had to lose for all of usto gain . I over think took much it causes great pain . Need to play outside and dance in the rain. wash away the blood stain