pick a Fool

peek- A - boo I have found myself - A fool Fuck Hope,Its nowhere to be found Im scared to admit its even real i Feel like  iv got no soul anymore Nah thats  a lie someone made Us believe Whats the point  in praying if I take a look at what we as people have to go trough , and it goes without saying that: its difficult to understand what game are You playing ? whats the use ? what is your  deal ? Where is the proof ? We learn there is more to believe just for hope to exit and leave ? -Poof... ? dammit are up there? are You even real? Do You know the things we have seen ? Sorry to say But Satan here is a whore i can trust and believe in she makes my head and does the thinking, she s that ace in my sleeve to whom I kept praying ,  I see her  daily working  double shifts in My dome and trust me ,shes a damn pro I take her in, feeling better than alone as she makes this place her home. Wait ,im sorry... ,where the fuck did she  go ? Yo Come back ,You didnt finish cleaning ! but she thinks of herself as the queen of this place , so everything I say ,has got no real meaning! Just as she leaves   here comes my self pity, its leaves me drifting.. God dammit. See? I knew it  !  Again im "alone " look at me, im just a bad host to all my thoughts, as im closed off , and i lose myself when i need myself the most and its wrong . Why You had to go and make me look like a fool ? Why You  had to tell lies and become so cruel ? What the hell did I ever do to You? Iv got used and what people said about You it turned out to be true I hate myself cuz I still want  You to be  good Even after writing this in tears cuz of the hell You put me trough. But by losing You At nights when im alone in my room I feel like iv got more to prove I look at things as new dreams I could pursuit Im Giving power to new thoughts Of  me  conquering my Past And finding the pieces iv  lost I pray on my knees to believe That not everything is gone ,there is still hope in  My heart and maybe one day i will be able to grow to be smart find them things in myself instead of places you put them apart ,I just need to be more thoughtful of whom I allow myself to be real from the start. I just wish i could re- start ,this time with a map in my hands. where i could be real to myself and stop wearing these masks, but i understand that at this moment it might be too much to ask. so Im done doing other peoples tasks imma learn my truths , realize its about time I stop playing peek -A- boo, i will find myself & kick out that fool, I will let new energy to come forth and see myself bloom , but 27weeks has passed and my mirror still keeps me doomed, how the fuck we didnt last? My reflection reminding me that, my dreams still add the same nurture to pursuit as when i did when I played out our future,just for it to be ruined, for Your insecurities to murder it and I can hear it , Your addictions screaming you are The victim , But look how many people lost their rhythm Just cuz You made them into fools and their minds into a prison. do somebody needs to die for You to see and listen ? your life is a lie , You destroy beautiful souls and then we are forced to say bye , How can I burry a person who never died ? Why when im writing this i feel so damn alive ? So I continue to put my emotions inside I live in My regrets and continue to hide. then later I learn that this is truly the end People like You are just lessons to take. So I say this with no regrets ,I loved the time we spend even if its was just for fake silhouettes, I will continue to survive keeping only good memories and put the bad shit aside. fuck. I wished this promise would be something I could provide, but its not . Im not alone here ,my demons are not ready to say goodbye.