Moments of weakness (Bitchin' to myself)

Tired of always coping it, lately I've been over it, feeling like I could take a BIGGIE tape, open it, and dub over it. Rap about some being broken shit, Why bother? people would just laugh and make fun of, and poke at it. Some feel life is a bike ride, So why do I always end up face first on the ground with a spoke in it? Tired of my heartbreak , confusion and hopelessness. Trying to find stable ground but every time I get a taste life throws a NOPE at it How long till I'm afloat again? How long till the pressure builds to the point of being disassociative, because of the screams I'm choking in? How long until the next good impression wears off, Just to be knocked on my ass, and I look like a joke again? I can still press on, but it's scary, Why do my achievements feel temporary? spending too much time alone and weary, Like there's nobody ever near me, Even the ones I love dearly, Always see me coming up short, complaints are tossed, arguments start, now they don't NEED to hear me. Could I spell it out anymore clearly? I'm stuck, feeling like I suck, feeling like I'm never going to add up to be enough, so what THE FUCK !? Alright that's enough, no more projecting the anger. wishing this fight or flight could chil, Right now there's no way it will I always feel endangered. Something always afoot, Hater strangers in public always shooting me dirty looks, I won't give them the satisfaction, never closing my book. Tell me how would YOU feel if no one listened or looked? tell me how would YOU feel with all intentions mistook? Feel like im being rocked, steady life keeps throwing me hooks and stays throwing the overhands, why does it always feel like im not ready? Why does it cost so much to live? can't even save up a grand, So Sick of working the bottom so I'm tryna make a stand, Someday i want my son to look up and be proud of his old man, and love his whole fam, when will you understand? i just wanna keep you safe and hold your hand, provide everything i can as a man, THESE EVILS CAN'T COME BETWEEN US IF UNITED IS HOW WE STAND.