Torn pages of my Life

Torn pages I gave love to the wrong ones so my heart got wasted and jaded plus on occasions I tried to heal people who stabbed me in the back I had a genuine heart which is something they lacked So now I'm writing my story on torn pages Shredded pieces of paper full of inked rhymes a head full of pain, a heart full of emotions, alone as i weep i be drinking vodka to sink mine While trying to keep my head above the water what happens when you get used to pain and fall in love with torture? It means every day I'm killing myself without going in a grave I need someone to save me before there's nothing left of me to save I'm not going to lie, my energies been drained for a while I have more scars than I have memories that make me smile -She came dressed as an angel, but she was the devil She was playing another game but I thought we were on the same level Once you lose my respect you can never get it back buried the hatchet with a shevel My heart was lost on you and I didn't get a map People play mind games and steal your thoughts How can you screw someone over who was there for you and feel no remorse? I'll say this before I wipe my tears and bandage over my cuts If he loves you half as much as I did, then he loves you enough ....................... I gave love to the wrong people and my heart got wasted and jaded plus on occasions I tried to heal the people who stabbed me in the back I had a genuine heart which is something that they lacked That's why I've been writing my story on torn pages Death is a page away I woke from a nightmare and turned it into my favourite day I looked Depression in its eyes and fought because I refuse to fade away I use the ink to talk about the things the world is afraid to say there nobody that cares in sight I kill every paragraph I write, So don't challenge me because your death is a page away Ready or not here I come You should fear my pen like you fear a gun When my pen has a fully loaded clip, I compare to none You say you live for chaos, but then you apologise and try to repair what's done I don't respect Hypocrites and I don't like people who can't speak their mind Why should I apologise if someone gets offended when they read my rhymes? I accept I'm a flawed man, and stopped hiding from the fact I'm bipolar I'm currently laughing at the pain and stress I used to cry over I made it past times when they counted me out and told me I wouldn't make it I survived everything even when I thought I couldn't take it I was thrown in the deep end before I was ready Since then I've used my pen in the same way Jason Voorhees uses his Machete I turned poetry into a horror scene Learned from yesterday's nightmares to follow tomorrow's dreams I fought like Mike Tyson in his prime so I had to be a success I left blood on the pad and brought depression to its death ............... death is a page away I woke from a nightmare and turned it into my favourite day I looked depression in its eyes and fought because I refuse to fade away ......................