Go Time

A few weeks ago, I had a little more than two years sober, now I'm so spun, it's as if , I never knew composure, Sure as hell don't get easier as I get older, Each shot, has me hoping it's the one that'll put me under, I'm so tired, of false hope, never had a chance, I was born on a slippery slope, I've spent more than half my life in a cell, wish I had the balls, to OD, but if this isn't it, then I'm afraid of hell, My little girl, has no clue I exist, it's likely for the best, all I seem able to do is subsist, I honestly thought I had a chance this time around, but right now, between the voices and seeing shit thats not there, I can't help but feel unsound, I've lost 40 lbs, at least, in only 3 weeks, I can't help but wonder, if when my heart finally gives, with my dying breath, will I shriek, Or will I fall silent, doesn't really seem to matter, since my entire life, has been a sorry state of defilement, All I hear, is don't give up, you just have to keep trying, Well I have, all my life, to no avail which hurts more than you could imagine, I must've been fated for pining, I truly wish, that I would've been strong enough for this not to happen, the only explanation I see, is that success, has always been my life-long famine, So if you ever think of me, please know that it wasn't from lack of trying, I've always been cursed, fated to fade, I must've been born, dying...