smoking to keep myself from going insane cause the memories of the closest to me dying and the fact that I was in such shock that I didn't cry, instead I kept everything inside, I didn't know how to release the pain with killing my enemies, cause my anger was so explosive that when I finally let I go I screamed so fucking loud that God covered his ears and starting crying cause he felt that shit, at 42 I'm still crying wishing all of you were hear, on some real shit, if you ever lost someone you loved then this song goes out to you, weather it be a parent, child, friend, or grandparents like me I lost my grandmother when I was 19 and it still breaks my heart into a million pieces, lost without light, is how I feel sometimes, and the depression tries to ground me but with no success, cause I have to keep going and now theirs fresh deaths that I have now that effect me way different, and this is the only way for me to tell the world my heartache, im sorry to those that still have struggles, im here for you im only a phone call away i give you all my word, here's a hug, I love you all.