sometimes i sit here pondering is this life of mine really worth living i see all these kids suffering do i want that life for my kids there are days that i am brought my last wits maybe i should stop talking and actually commit- suicide. you dont know me so heres my story dont worry it will all end momentarily i was raised in estonia if you never heard of it well just dont worry about it for im now living in America i saw my mother drink a bottle every night just to forget all of the fights my father was an alcoholic abusive bastard who had no problem hitting me and ma till we shattered there were days that i would walk the down the hall only to see the demons laughing on the wall i guess welcome to Estonia not only my home but also to those of my deepest darkest demons and now my old nearly forgotten utopia has been shattered into peices. i then moved to the states only to see friend enter different states- of anxiety and depression while wittnessing the helpess fall into opression. i seen my closest friends take their own lives right before my very eyes and now their blood is on my hands even though they died by their own hands. i was the one who was hospitalized for having a suicidal mentality but, i guess i never really stabalized but then again who if your main goal is to this dark reality. well theres a portion of my story told you it would be over momentarily now time for me to contemplate, my own fate for fled is the music: do i wake or sleep?