Yelled at my son for the first time , it fucked me up. It reminded me of the relationship between us. When I was little, you and I were best buds. When I got older, you never really showed me love. I know you had to work 3 jobs to keep our lights on. Did you know how much I missed you when you spent those nights gone. You were my idol, my superman you so strong. Then our relationship was kryptonite, man that shits wrong. I love you dad, but I don't know what happened. Was it caused by me when I fell in love with raping. I know you hate that music and feel that its trash man. Sorry I'm not like you, listening to 80s rock bands. Started making moves, I feel like you daughted me. All I want from you is the knowledge that your proud of me. But ill never get it so this sadness be surounden me. Depression in my heart, the weight of it is drowning me. I know that I can never be the son that you wanted. Mabey thats the reason I was so easy to punish. You got Ben though, hes perfect and you love it. I just wish one time its me that you would covit. I remember going out to eat then your card got declined. You looked cross the table with tears in your eyes. I felt so guilty, why'd I order those fries. I felt like you looked at me with shame and despise. Now I'm trying to hold back all this pain in my eyes. What could I do though, I was like nine. You probably think I forgot, but i remember those times. Asken grandma for help cause the bills are behind. You had multiple breakups and you blamed it on me. Said you could of been happy, but i shit on your dreams. Do you realize that I never let go of these things. But how could you see my mentality.tryd to play sports, cause thats what you liked. You loved martial arts so I learned how to fight. Yet youd put me down hard, everytime that I'd wright. Stop waisten time rappen, knowbody cares cause your white. Said you were in the army, but you were telling story's. I still joined up , you still ignored me. They sent me to war, the battles were gory. I came back scarred, all for your glory. You made me a shield out of a car door. Bought me all the toys, from all of the starwars. Your a piece of my Drax, you were like starboard. You even built me a starship outta ducktape and cardboard. You were the dad every kid wishes he had. Then your smile disappeared, you always looked mad. You'd look for any reason to be whoopen my ass. Why did you do it, I really hate you for that. When depression hit you got me Council and meds. The shit made me worse, it fucked up my head. Fell in love with the drugs, I drank Sudafed. Mabey we should have tried talking instead.