Silently Laying here Lookin back on life yo... wondriing where ever did all the time go a rather sinister and introvert kind of behavior some are sharrin on a never ending errand starin at the death clock counting every last engrained line one at a time slow Leisurely lost the n the turbulent one of its kind distinguished by designed flow that to the untrained engenieer rarely appear and is only if ever vaguely clear n can but only just faintly hear Perceived as some fearsome wonder echoing with the rolling thunder carelessly caught up in under tow of an extravagant shit show Frightening Feelings of being foresakin shakin body achin heart racin heavy palpitations lost in my head with slim chances of hopeful advances for ever escapin Teams of dreams would hasten n come apart at the seems n then I would quickly awaken from a dead slumber right before I’d fall while sleep walking down the shadowy hall headed for seemingly nowhere in particular at all Stressed Repressed from rest as best I can tell or even recall from time to time when I was just a bit younger I would practically hunger for the sluggishly slow number to exponentially grow like it was hittin the nitro and then low n behold a lil phyco tike would magicaly grow seemingly over night boy I thought that’d fire sure be tight though Then I could make all my own decisions n be personally pragmatic truly an unstagnate charismatic people attracting magnet free from the dramatic static from those dumb pesky n problematic unwanted parental revisions i thought were there to smother myself and any other under the freedom crusher known as the disciplinary structure But that’s right about then when my mother would always be there to say that in the end everything was gonna be okay n not to be stressing or concern myself with something outta my hands and simply so so far away then after hugging me’d look me lovingly an unjudgingly directy in my eyes without straying saying remain calm my job as your mom is that of a teacher’s position so do please be quite have open ear and listen closely my dearest and oldest strongest n boldest but yet sorely lacking in focus beloved son don’t end up being one of those poor lost souls who become bitter old cold hearted guys who’s Felonious Alabis are used too disguise the unwise layered level plies of constantly wayward conveyored lies that we’re the cause of any cherished loved ones hopeless cries and in every way every day deserved proper addressing because it was actually a beautiful blessing in desguise n much to my bewildered surprise became evident that I was meant too realize it was the present day that was my ultimate prize that I could either choose to inheritly utilize or barbaricly brutalize senclessly That my speech could relentlessly reach to breach the tallest high rise of the stary night skies or be universally despised and scrootenized for the lack of character ones word personifies And To quietly Analyze the thoughts I’d comprise with both its successful tries and nauseating no’s integrating into the rapid rise of new highs and also just how deep it really goes at the lowest point of all lows holding ties to both sighs and woahs life is full of surprises and hard choices with sacrifices that physiologicaly traumatizes nearly all of those who choose too oppose and stand studiously tall will eventually if only temporarily fall from substantially hard blows leaving long lasting scars that more than often shows Although not physical There Unmissable visceraly vissably miserable through all manner of clothes a sealed an bound banner of unbearable wearable overly charitable pain that no one around knows the steep price they will ultimately pay is due to the path they chose n that was how the the unmissable unbreakable laws of the universe goes And to this day has always stuck with me although an in depth concept that would sorta fuck with me cause you see I’ve struggled in securing am percuring a solid sense of a founded rounded n grounded wellness n selfless identity playing role of decieving friend unknown in all reality was really to be the enemy weaving a deceitful web of feeble evil so treacherous n tangled that I’ve been subconsciously cursed to to see the perversity incured by the obsurdity verging on purgery due in lieu to heards of obscured misheard words conversed so recklessly that’s slowly killin me dilegently crimes by dubious designs that dulls the shines binds and defines the confines of once clearly laid linear lines blurred mercilessly every year on the dreaded anniversary my inner compass of morality is mangled callously consumed by the falacy that My ever creeping mortality is not forever doomed to be consumed like a calorie down in the hell pits of bowwery for actions so cowardly suffocated an strangled senselessly with a strongly ingrained propensity to be angled resentfuly towards troublesome things that tend to torment an tempt me in hopes I’ll stop feeling so empty For a quarter century wasting the potential to be free by my own decree stifled by juveniles credo to satisfy a ravenous appetite of a libido plus feeding a gluttonous growing ego under the umbrella’d canopy of vindicated vanity causing suffering and sorrow for my family tree a fool who mastered the art an played his part to a flawless T disgracefuly who took and took ungratefuly planted single handed disbanded selfish seeds of multiple misdeeds distastefully Patiently waiting for wallowing wasteful hateful tendencies to mold poisonously perilous personal submersible propensities towards free agency chasin me to a hollow feeling of vacancy shamelessly punishing thee for my fraudulent flaugrancy shunning all cunning running forthcoming famously staring at the blaring shilohuet of a man who knows he can if he’d but only stick to the plan will unlock the perfect recipe for my long walk hand in hand with destiny n be the very best quality version of me there can or ever will be in an aim to remove my tarnished name from its sullied n stained claim of shame and reclaim some sense of my lost humanity Cause sometimes something inside of you breaks when surrounded by fakes an snakes