I used ta think ya still loved me but now I know you dont fighting in front of our kids were at each others throats I know your family hates me but I still love em we been through way too much shit just for me to say fuck em day to day i struggle with all of this pain Suicidal thoughts going through my brain All these different drugs are driving me insane so I'm sitting outside thinkin bout it in the rain Reminiscing about all the good times that we had now and days you're either pissed off or you're sad shit used to be so good howd it get so bad seems like we can't even talk anymore without you getting mad I thought I was runnin from all my problems but i ran from you when I shoulda stayed home like a man and stuck it through how can I hate you for something that you didn't do how can I expect you to understand something that I went through When I was younger they told me that I was ill I wanted love but instead I gotta pill now im older and I'm taking em still the only difference is now I'm looking for a thrill I'm trying to get high to escape this reality tryin to escape this depression trying to escape this anxiety I gotta hole in my heart that I cant fill I wanna cut it outta my fuckin chest and watch the blood spill but I got 3 kids now so i gotta chill and let the pain keep comin like the light bill like the lite bill... youve been beautiful sense the day that I met you if you leave me now it's only cause I let you if I didn't fuck everything up so bad I probably coulda kept you i know all them days that I left had to of upset you and if I cant have my family then I dont want nothin it's hard to picture there being someone els that youre lovin my kids in the other room while you 2 fuckin am I suppose to watch my family fall apart and do nothin living in a hateful house full of resent tryin to make up for all the time that I should a spent and it's even harder when were late on the fuckin rent im workin 2 jobs but I don't have a fuckin cent and I know there's a million places that you'd probably rather be than in this house sitting here staring at me and knowing how you feel brings me agony and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna afford another lawyer fee I just pray to god you give me split custody there nothing left to talk about because i know you've heard it all and even tho theres times that you've made me feel so small you've always managed to have my back to catch me when I fall so I'm gonna try to stay strong and walk tall but thinking of all the memories lookin at these pictures on the wall makes it hard not to just break down and fuckin ball sometimes I still fantasize about us getting married me finally controlling all the emotions that I carried us growing old and being together until were buried getting caught up, outta debt until we buy a house you being proud of me and not ashamed that I'm your spouse us teaching our kids to love eachother as they grow and play telling them life lessons and just hoping that they listen to what we say and that every choice in life comes a price to pay and let em know were proud of em after they graduate and make sure I'm there to walk my little girl down the isle on her big day what kind of man would I be If i just waved the white flag what kind of man would I be if I just said ok and packed a bag what kind of man would i be if i just said goodbye what kind of man would I be if I didn't at least try what kind of man would I be if I didnt try to be a better father what kind of man would I be if I let someone els raise my daughter What kind of man would I be