I used ta think ya still loved me but now I know you dont fighting in front of our kids were at each others throats I know your family hates me but I still love em we been through too much shit just for me to say fuck em day to day I struggle with all of this pain Suicidal thoughts going through my brain All these different drugs are driving me insane so I'm sitting outside thinkin bout it in the rain Reminiscing about all the good times that we had Now and days you're either pissed off or you're sad shit used to be so good how did it get so bad seems like we can't even talk without you getting mad I thought I was runnin from my problems but I ran from you when I shoulda stayed home like a man and stuck it through how can I hate you for something that you didn't do how can I expect you to understand something that I went through When I was younger they told me that I was ill I wanted love but instead I gotta pill now am older and I'm taking em still The only difference is now I'm lookin for a thrill I'm trying to get high to escape this reality Tryin to escape this depression tryin to esape this anxiety I gotta hole in my heart that I cant fill I wanna cut it outta my chest and watch the blood spill but I got 3 kids now so gotta chill And let the pain keep comin like the light bill youve been beautiful sense the day that I met you if you leave me now it's only because I let you if I didnt fuck everything up so bad I probably coulda kept you I know all them days that I left had to upset ya if I cant have my family I dont want nothin I cant imagine there being someone els that you're lovin my kids being in the other room while your are fuckin How can I watch my family fall apart and do nothing living in a hatefull house full of resent tryin to make up for all the time that I shoulda spent it's even harder when were late on the fuckin rent workin 2 jobs but I don't have fuckin cent I know there's a million places you'd probably rather be than in this house staring at me and me knowing how you feel brings me agony and I don't know how i'm gonna afford another lawyer fee I just pray to god that you give me split custody theres nothing left to talk about because you've heard it all even tho theres times you've made me feel like I'm so small you've always had my back to catch me when I fall I'm gonna try to stay strong and walk tall thinking of all the memories lookin at these pictures hangin up on the wall makes it hard not to just break down and ball sometimes I still fantasize about us getting married me finally controlling all the emotions that I carried growing old and being together until were buried getting caught up, outta debt and we buy a house you being proud of me not ashamed that I'm your spouse us teaching our kids to love eachother as they grow and we watch em play telling them life lessons hoping they listen to what we say and that every choice in life comes with a price to pay and let em know were proud after they graduate but I know what's done is done no matter how much I want you to stay you probably won't I can't make you still have feelings that you don't a small part of me just wants to go our separate ways and split just call it quits and be done with it but the idea of one us dropping the kids off while they throw a fit I dont wanna have to explain why were arent together and hope they get over it I know we can weather this storm It might just take a bit unfortunately time is something that can't be barrowed and I can't take away your pain and all your sorrow thought if I try to be a better man today you might still be here tomorrow I'm only human and I know I'm being selfish because I couldn't imagine turning my back when you needed me the most I feel like you're watching me drown instead of tryin to help me float but I know that you never loved me the same way that I loved you I would always tell you that I loved you and you wouldn't say I love you too theres things that I've done to you that you say you could never do and some of the things that you've said to me I could never say to you it was wrong of me to put you through what I put you through out everything that I've lied about still one thing is true there's been nobody in my life that I've loved the same as you and that's why I came home and gotta job that's why I don't sell drugs and rob I knew if I didn't figure shit out then you would leave I know I can be the man you want i just gotta make you believe if we both work together there isn't anything that we can't achieve